Category: Emotions

This past week, I started ramping up my running milage for my next upcoming race: The Denver Rock and Roll Half Marathon.  This will be my third half marathon on the books.

As I prepare for the race mentally, I’m realizing how freaking lucky I am to be able to run.  For years, like a decade, I told myself I couldn’t run.  In high school, I suffered a full patellar dislocation during a basketball game. (dislocated knee cap) It was quite painful and took a lot of therapy to ‘fix’.  I often wonder if I had been at a proper fitness level while playing school sports, if it would have happened.  Regardless,  I used this as my excuse of why I couldn’t be a runner for a decade.  I also used it when convenient.  If something was too hard, it was obviously my knee issues.  If something was too long, my knee would get swollen for sure……or would it? Let’s be serious: I WAS OVERWEIGHT.  Half of the time it was the knee, half of the time it was me.  As soon as I started strengthening my legs, my knee was never an issue.  Even now when I have knee pain, it’s never from this old injury.

For a decade, I missed out on so many things because of the excuse I gave myself.  As I prepare for my marathon,  I am also fundraising for the first time.  I have joined a team at my gym and have set a goal to raise $1000 in the next month, to donate to Augie’s Quest.  Augie’s Quest is a foundation that is out to Cure ALS. Even though most people associate ALS with “the ice bucket challenge”, very few people know what ALS actually is.

I used to fear something like cancer because it’s the worst thing I can imagine happening.  Now I fear ALS.  Imagine being a runner and then one day you have trouble tying your shoes.  Then next day you trip on a rock you thought for sure you had cleared.  The next month your legs start feeling stiff every morning and you have to develop a new stretching you routine.  Then you notice you can hardly get into the position to stretch.  You’re legs start locking up on you as you run.  Then one day, you trip so bad you’re injured.  After the injury heals you’re disease has now robbed you of the ability to run at all.  And then slowly, you can’t even walk. ALS slowly robs you, day by day, of your motor skills.  Slowly you can’t walk, talk, dress yourself, feed yourself, wash yourself…….day by day. Then eventually, you die, frozen in time and space.  This is my absolutely nightmare.  The worst of it: ALS is cureable if only it had the funding to do so.

We can all help cure ALS.  Can you donate just $5 to help me reach my goal? Can you help me help just one person get the medicine they need to walk a little bit longer? To hug their children? To smile?

give.class.org/kimgalbreath

We never know how lucky we are, until we aren’t.  Help me help them.  If you still aren’t convinced, listen to Anthony’s Story.

 

Well it’s over just like that.  I’ve run my race of the season and it came and went so quickly!  While I sit around in my post race blues, I guess I’ll write you guys a post 🙂

This past weekend, I conquered the Spartan Beast.  I usually run the Tough Mudder as my race of the season, but this year I found it a little disappointing.  Every year I run the Tough Mudder and I feel changed.  It is usually the only race that pushes me to my limits and leaves me feeling accomplished for overcoming my fears in the race and finishing.  This year, it just didn’t feel the same.  The race was held in a new location and the course was much easier.  Everyone I had talked to felt the same way.  So when we crossed the Tough Mudder finish line, I didn’t feel like I’d accomplished my goals for the year.  We raced really well and I completed all the obstacles, but I didn’t feel changed.  I didn’t feel pushed to my limit.  I didn’t learn anything in the race.

So two weeks later, we signed up for the Spartan Beast.  The Beast is a 14+ mile mountain trail run with 35 obstacles.  Most of the obstacles require upper body strength, agility, and practice to complete.  If you fail an obstacle, you’re penalized with 30 burpees.  30.  We had never run the Beast before because we always preferred the Tough Mudder.  I’d always heard it was just as hard, but in a different way.

Start Line: I haven’t been so nervous at a start line in a long time.  I’d never run the course at Breckenridge, but I’d watched the elite team run in on TV the year before and it looked brutal.  I heard them announce that the course was just under 15 miles today.  There always some shouting at the start line about “I AM A SPARTAN” and then it’s time to run.  We made it up the first hill climb fairly easily and I could tell that our trail running training had really helped.

First Miles: In the first miles we covered some obstacles, 7 foot walls, 8 foot walls and a river crossing.  We were both feeling strong and excited for the race.  Near mile 3-4, we picked up an additional team mate.  As you run these races, the people near you tend to hang around.  You turn around and help the same person over obstacles and you find yourself playing leap frog on the course with the same people over and over. Finally, I just asked a girl what her name was because she appeared to be racing alone.  Emily quickly joined with us and kept our pace.  She stuck with us till the end 🙂

Middle Miles: In the middle miles we covered a lot of the heavy carries.  There’s an atlas stone carry, sand bags, and even a bucket carry filled with gravel.  It’s not easy.  The heavy carries leave your legs dead, your heart pumping and your arms weak.  And they happened all together.  I had been worried about my grip strength for weeks leading up to the race, but it seemed to holding up just fine.  Emily kept us going when we needed and we dragged her through the obstacles.

Burpees………crap:  There are two obstacles that I have failed in the past at other lengths of this race.  The spear throw is one chance at throwing a spear into a bale of hay from 15-20 feet away.  1 chance.  1 fail.  30 burpees for Kim.  The very next obstacle was the rope climb, no problems here.  Then came my nemesis: Mount Olympus.  I have always failed this obstacle.  I can never figure it out in time before my strength gives out.  30 burpees for Kim.  The next obstacle was Hurcules Hoist where you pull a sandbag off the ground using a long rope until you hit the bell at the top and then lower the bag back down.  I foolishly tried the mens weight, and my hands just didn’t have the ability to hold on to the rope.  30 more burpees for Kim.  Immediately following that one was the Rings Rig.  It’s a series of rings and pipes and then you hit the bell at the end.  I was so tired at this point that I wasn’t sure I could do it.  If I were fresh, I could no problem.  But I’d just had two failures.  I couldn’t do more burpees but wasn’t sure I had the strength.  I even cut my hand on the obstacle before I began.  I could have skipped it.  I could have just given up, in fact in the middle, I almost did. But I didn’t. And it felt AWESOME.

Final Miles: In the final miles, you feel like you’re about to finish at any moment.  After we passed the Mile 6 marker (not quite half way) we didn’t see another marker for along time.  We missed Mile 7…..Mile 8……by the time we were in Mile 9, I didn’t know we were so far.  I thought we were at 7.5 and I didn’t feel like I had it in me to finish.  There was still so much left. (Or course I was actually almost to mile 10!) I went to my dark place.  I let Dan and our new friend Emily know that I just needed quiet for a while.  We covered the next half mile in mostly silence while I got mad at nature, the course, the racing crew, life in general…….and then we saw the Mile 10 marker.  I was so excited.  I was worried I would fail.  I thought I couldn’t make it the whole way.  I almost thought about quitting.  And then it came, the relief.  When we hit mile 10, I knew I could finish.  I think a mile marker has never made me so happy before.  We completed the obstacles to the end.

When I crossed the Finish Line of the Spartan Beast, I felt changed.  I felt like I’d overcome fears, pushed myself outside my comfort zone, and accomplished something that I never could have done just a few years ago. I felt changed.   I felt strong, like a beast. 🙂

The next day, we raced again.  If you complete all three lengths of the Spartan Race Series in a year, you get special recognition as a Trifecta Finisher.  All of the medals piece together and it’s a pretty nerdy/cool deal to have done all three.  We decided to all but walk though the race the next day.  The Spartan Sprint is advertised at a 3-5 mile race.  I was hoping for 3 since I was pretty destroyed from the day before.  It was 5.6 miles.  This time we raced with friends and had a great time.  We saw them go through the same struggles we had when we started racing together and watched them overcome fears and the struggle to finish.  Running the race with friends was a much different experience but I’m so glad we did both races.

 

This time I only failed two of the obstacles and finished stronger than I thought I would.  I’m not sure how much longer my body will allow me to do these sorts of things but I’m going to while I can.  I had a moment on the second day with a fellow racer that summed up my journey on these races:

As we approached the Bucket Brigade, there are two types of buckets.  Red for Women (60lbs) and Black for Men (80 lbs) .  You fill your bucket up to the holes and then carry it a quarter mile up hill and back down.  As I started filling my BLACK men’s bucket, the volunteers alerted me that I had the wrong one.  I insisted that I did not.  I try to lift the men’s weight on every obstacle for as long as I can. So I filled my men’s bucket and started up the hill.  At one of the rest points, a girl questioned be about my bucket but seemed genuinely curious.

“So what’s with you and the black bucket? The red ones are much easier” she said.

I replied, “There were days I couldn’t lift a 20 pound bucket.  Today I can lift the men’s bucket, so I did.  I’m thankful for my strength today.” Then I picked up my bucket and kept going.

Be thankful for today.  Use your strength today.  Use your power today!  You’re stronger than you think you are and you’re capable of so much more.  How long have you been comfortable? What will it take to get uncomfortable?

This weekend I will run the race that I’ve trained the most for all summer: The Spartan Beast.  On Saturday, I’ll run nearly 14 miles in the mountains and complete 30 obstacles.  I’ve never crossed a start line without crossing a finish line.  As the days draw closer, I’m realizing how bad I want it and how much is scares me to think I might not finish.

In this world of strange encounters and social media stalking, I’ve met and come across only a few stories like my own.   I’ve always been touched by  Gary Stotler’s journey to health and we continue to communicate and support each other’s journey’s online throughout the past two years. Gary was morbidly obese like myself and went on to lose the weight and complete marathons.  After reaching those goals, he has gone on to be an endurance trail runner.  Last year I watched Gary train for and complete the Silver Rush Leadville 50.  Again this year he trained for an even bigger race: The Leadville 100.  I felt such joy for Gary when he completed his first 100 mile race in March.  Then he just kept training and training.  He looked like he couldn’t have set himself up better for the Leadville 100.  I tracked Gary online throughout the race to see how far he had gone.  On Sunday, while I was up early, I checked to see where he was before I got out of bed.  He had run through the night and should be finishing in a few hours. And I was shocked.  Did Not Finish.  WHAT? What happened? Is he ok? I must have put in the wrong bib number………

Later I found out that due to both mental and physical aspects, Gary had quit at mile 69.  Now, 69 miles is farther than I will ever travel in a race.  69 miles is a jaw dropping amount of miles, even on the street.  I was so proud of how far he had gotten, but I was shocked that he hadn’t finished.  He had always finished.  He seemed to accomplish every goal he set out for but this time, he didn’t cross the finish line.

So this week, I’ve been trying my best to mentally focus for my race.  As I do so, I’ve been asking myself,  “Did I put too many eggs in the basket?”  Meaning, if I fail the race, will it make me feel as though I’ve failed? Will I feel like I’ve wasted the entire race season? Today is the first day I can say, no. Today I realize how freaking lucky I really am.

In preparing for this race, I have had some of the most fun I’ve ever had.  I’ve met some of the best people on the planet. Nothing can change the journey I’ve been on and nothing can take away the memories I’ve created.  The journey has truly been the best part 🙂

I will give everything I’ve got to my race on Saturday, and I just might come up short.  I’ve done everything I could do to prepare and those who know me know I’ll go as hard as I can.  I know I’ll cross that finish line, but now I can truly say, if I don’t, it won’t be the end of my world. My world is full of awesome people!  Thanks to everyone who has helped me train this year, even for one workout.  You all continue to push me, inspire me and make me the athlete that I am.  Love you guys.

So word is apparently getting around that I like to lift heavy things, climb like a monkey and run in the mountains, preferably while covered in dirt. Two or three weeks ago my friend/colleague/trainer Matt asked me if I would fill in a place for someone who had dropped out for a Mud Run.  Matt is my weightlifting coach at the gym where I work (still weird to say….) and lets me come to his class and disrupt the men in their routine by adding sass and slowing everyone down. 🙂 He’s also the size of a refrigerator. So when he pulled a pink tutu out of his bag, I could hardly contain my excitement.  Matt’s girlfriend, Sarah, had someone drop out of her team for the upcoming Dirty Girl Mud Run.  The tutu and matching princess socks were the required costume.  He was willing to take over my shift so I could go run in the mountains covered in dirt.  What a guy!

So of course I agreed to the race without even considering it much of a question.  I signed up; put on my tutu and met up with the girls.  I was running the race with Sarah and Krista, each of us in our required tutu.  I felt like I knew Sarah through Matt but I was meeting Krista for the first time.  The last time I agree to a race without looking it up and ran with strangers, (Tough Mudder 2015) it was the most fun I’d ever had on a race.  So I figured it was worth the risk. AND WE HAD A BLAST.

The Dirty Girl Mud Run is a 5K course in Copper Mountain with 10-12 obstacles.  It was attainable for all levels and a great race for newbies.  This was Sarah and Krista’s first obstacle race and I knew that I was agreeing to go their pace and be a supportive team member.  To be a total cocky jerk, the race was really simple for me.  I tried to focus on being patient, encouraging my teammates and having fun with racing.  Check check and check.  It was a great day.

I almost got emotional a few times on the course.  I’d never run an all female race before.  Also, I’d never done one with so many of my ghosts along the path.  Again, to be a total jerk: Most races that I run now, I NEVER would have been able to do before.  I rarely see someone the size that I used to be in a race and never anyone bigger than that.  Most races I run, my old self wouldn’t have even knew existed. This race is attainable for everyone so I saw so many versions of myself along the course.   I remember one girl in particular.  We were coming up to a climbing rig with: a cargo net climb to the top, horizontal traverse across a cargo net and then slide down a fireman’s pole; then crawl through the bubble pit to the other side.   The whole thing was maybe 12-15 feet up in the air.  Ahead of me I saw someone who was larger than my past self just giving everything she had to get to the top.  But down below I saw my old self.  She was standing to the side and wasn’t even going to try.  Both my teammate Sarah and I tried to encourage her to try and offered to help her.  It was clear she was just going to watch.

I wanted to encourage her more and fill her with a sense of inspiration and rigor to give it a go, but she was so defeated before she began.  I saw myself in her eyes.  I knew she would never try; no matter what I said.  I watched so many women that day accomplish something they never thought they could.  One woman was frozen at the top of a long slide and my team spent a long time trying to encourage her.  Eventually she told us to go.  She had the biggest smile on her face when we found her at the finish line to tell us that she had done it!  But to the girl at the cargo net, she wouldn’t know.  She wouldn’t know what that was like.  I don’t know that woman.  Maybe just walking the course was her goal that day.  Maybe that brought her more joy than the obstacle would have anyway.  But I saw it in her eyes.

Defeat. Not defeat from fear of the height or the obstacle.  But defeat from even trying.  I’d been in that place so many times.  Here’s what I think she was going through her head:

I’m to heavy for that.  Will the obstacle even hold me? I’m not supposed to do those things.  What if I fail in front of everyone? I know I can’t do it.

These phrases kept me from even trying to lose weight so many times.  “I know I can’t do it.  I’ve tried already. What if I fail?” Fear of failure is something I deal with everyday of my life.  Its something that I struggle with in everything I do.  But I keep trying.  I keep failing and trying to be ok with it.  I’m trying to be ok with not being able to do EVERYTHING.  But it’s hard.  My fear of failure made me miss out on so many things in life.  I’m not letting it rob me anymore.  I almost missed out on the most beautiful Saturday on Copper Mountain with the most beautiful of ladies! 🙂