Yoga Pants Diary

February 17, 2015February 17, 2015

Photos Don’t Lie

This week I have been collecting a lot of old and new photos to make a timeline of my weight loss. It has been surprisingly difficult. Photos of my body at my heaviest weight, DO NOT EXIST. I feel like I keep using the same 5 pictures of examples of how heavy I was over and over. So I spent a few hours going through old photos both digital and in print. Now I have maybe 10. All the photos I can find, only show my face. The reason for this is obvious. I didn’t want people to see it! It’s bad enough to have to walk around in a body like that but seeing it in a concrete photo makes it even worse.

There are definitely times when, even when I was huge, I felt beautiful and sexy. Here’s an example! Then: While this wasn’t my actual Wedding Day, this is a day that I felt beautiful. I felt sexy and confident in my wedding dress. This was a great day and I think the smile on my face shows it all.

Now: When I look at this photo now, I still think I look beautiful. I do think I look huge in my size 22 wedding dress but all my happiness outshines my size. True love really does conquer all, even making you look past how heavy I am.

However, my beautiful and confident days were few and far between. Here’s another example:

Then: This is a hot summer day in Las Vegas on my Honeymoon. I had bought new clothes just for the Las Vegas sun. I remember wanting to feel cute in this photo and being totally grossed about about my belly. I think I might have even cried right there on the Las Vegas Strip. Is that what I really looked like? Photos don’t lie and I wanted this photo to lie sooooo bad.

Now: Gross. Fat. Unhappy. This should have been another photo where my smile and happiness distract you from how I look, but it doesn’t. I was uncomfortable with how I looked that day and you can tell.

The beautiful and gross days still continue to this day. There are days I feel confident, sexy and ready to take on the world. This is how I feel most days now. BUT I do still have days that I feel gross and unattractive. Even after losing the weight, some days I feel fat. Even after losing the weight, there are things I don’t like about my body. Even after losing the weight, I’m still not always happy.

Here’s an example: Then: I remember feeling gross this day. This was the weekend I hit my goal weight. Even though I should have been over the moon, I just wasn’t. I wasn’t confident about how I looked and I was feeling really weird about the whole thing.

Now: Get over yourself. To everyone else, this picture is totally normal.

But there ARE days I feel SUPER hot. Then: I feel cute today. Let’s take some pics!

Now: Look at all that extra skin. Gross

People think losing weight just makes all your other problems go away. Thin=Happy right?

Sexy=No gross days right?

Confidence=Never feeling fat right?

No! To most people these last two photos probably look the same, but how I was feeling in both photos is totally different. YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR VISION.

The farther I get from my heaviest weight, the fatter I think I was. It’s so easy to lie to yourself and tell yourself it’s not that bad. It’s so easy to think, ‘it’s just a bad photo’. Bad photos exist and I think the lens that you view photos through depends on how you were feeling at that time. But photos can not lie. That is how you looked at that moment no matter what. It’s your emotions that change the way the photo seems.

February 15, 2015March 29, 2015

Nacho Sunday?!?

I was greatly looking forward to a workout at Red Rocks today, but alas the Denver weather is as surprising as usual. Even though I’ll take it over Chicago any day, the weather is always changing here. So instead of puking on stairs today, I’m hanging around the house. This is a rarity for me on the weekends; even more so is the fact that I’m cooking lunch.

I usually cook during the week but not very often on the weekends. We are usually so busy that we eat out pretty often on the weekends. So today I thought I’d try my skills at sharing a recipe. I look up recipes on pinterest all the time but rarely follow them. I’m constantly adding and subtracting from recipes. One of my favorite restaurants up the street, The Vine Street Pub, (also known as “the hippie place” to neighborhood folk) makes some killer chicken nachos. **Warning: Should you ever eat there, they only take cash! I always find myself thinking, “I could make this.” So I did. I now make this every other week or so. I love this meal.

As a kid, I would ask my mom to make tacos all the time. Every Friday in high school they served tacos. I love tacos. Tacos and nachos were a big reason why I weighed what I did. Tacos is a meal that I knew I had to figure out how to make healthier when I changed my lifestyle. I couldn’t go without tacos/nachos for the rest of my life. So here’s my recipe. Give it a try!

Chicken Nachos

1 lb. Ground Chicken
1 can black beans (low sodium, organic)
1 can of corn (low sodium, organic)
1/4 cup Taco Seasoning (I make my own – Recipe)
1/4 cup Frank’s Redhot Sauce Original
3/4 cup water
Salsa (Love: Trader Joes Chunky)
Cheese (Love: Trader Joes Cheddar)
Tortilla Chips of Choice
Optional: Chiles, Tomatoes, Jalepenos, other veggies

Steps

Brown Chicken until cooked through. Drain if necessary.
Add rinsed black beans, taco seasoning, Franks, and water.

Mix all together and bring to a simmer. Cook all the water out at med-high heat until the meat is nice and thick. It should look like this:

Set oven to 350 degrees. Build your nachos as you wish. My usual order is: Meat, lots of corn, salsa, cheese. If you have other veggies you love, go for it! I’m not a big pepper fan and I like the meat spicy. Feel free to use your imagination!

See notes about my chips and portion size and other tips!
Bake for 15-20 minutes until hot and delicious. Soooo much healthier than the way I used to make them and just as delicious.

NOTES:

Ground Chicken – I buy cage free, hormone fee, junk free ground chicken. It could easily be made with turkey or shredded chicken. I find that ground is usually cheapest and quickest to cook.
Corn and Beans – I buy organic, preservative free, low sodium at Trader Joes. It ends up being less than a 50 cent difference and an easy way to make a better choice.
Salsa – Again I buy preservative free at Trader Joes. I LOVE this salsa. I think it’s the perfect consistency and you can actually taste the vegetables. Why? Because all of it’s ingredients ARE vegetables. And since it’s from TJ’s: always no preservatives. Salsa is also low calorie! (5 calories a serving)
Cheese: I hate low-fat cheese. Hate it. I buy regular cheese for two reasons: Low fat sucks and I don’t drink cow milk. Since we drink soy milk, this is my only opportunity for dairy fats. Also, since I’m at goal weight, this is something I have added back into my diet.
Chips: The chips pictured are not my norm. We usually get blue or yellow organic corn tortillas chips. However, these were less than a dollar a bag on Christmas clearance. I finally opened the last bag today! I couldn’t pass up the deal!
Taco Seasoning – I REALLY recommend making your own. There are so many fillers in the store bought kind. Also, this is an easy way to cut out A LOT of sodium. You’d really be surprised.
Portion Size: I didn’t end up eating my whole portion but I could have. This meal is pretty protein packed and I am SORE today. Both the beans and the chicken are providing your protein. Since we aren’t using rice, the carbs aren’t too out of control either. This is a tasty meal that is very filling!

February 10, 2015February 10, 2015

Diet Rules that Don’t Bite

This January, I ordered several different fitness magazines. Now that I have a new lifestyle, even my reading and TV time is spent differently. While hanging at Starbucks last weekend, I read this article. It’s s great read!

Diet Resolution That Don’t Bite

Original Source: Fitness Magazine, January 2015 Issue

Just in the past two weeks, I’ve talked to two different people on juice fasts and someone trying Atkins. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THESE DIETS. I understand that they work. I understand that people lose weight following these plans, however, they aren’t real life. All three of the people I’ve talked to on these crazy diets have expressed anxiety about ‘transitioning’ back to real eating. How about just trying real eating to begin with?

I feel like a lot of people are stuck in the old way of dieting. Most people think if you’re not hungry, angry and giving up everything you love, you’ll never lose weight. WHAT?! I did it eating almost all of the foods I love and never had to worry about transitioning back to real food. I ate real food the whole time; I just made much much different choices.

So give it a read. There are a lot of ‘diet rules’ that have been around forever that are simply just not true anymore. Science has advanced. Fitness has advanced. Medicine has advanced. It’s time for diets to advance.

February 1, 2015March 29, 2015

Fit Football

Just as you think the eating temptations and binges are over, Superbowl Sunday rears it’s ugly face. I don’t really care about football and probably won’t even be watching the game. Our house is a hockey house! However, since I know a lot of you WILL be watching the game, here’s some tips to make it through the day without regretting all the choices you made the next day.

Bring Your Own Food – I suggest this for any get together. I always bring a fruit or veggie/hummus tray when I go to parties. That way I know for sure that there will be things I can eat and not worry about. Look for a healthy dip or quick snacks you can bring for everyone to enjoy. People might not think of putting these options out today but you’d be surprised how many people will gravitate to what you brought. It’s also easier to say no to the fried food tray when the fruit tray is sitting right next to it.

Stand up! – Force yourself to stand while you eat. You will burn more calories standing while you eat, but that’s not the full point behind this tip. If you force yourself to stand while you eat, you’ll do less ‘robotic shoveling’ into your mouth while watching the game. Also, when you get sick of standing, you’ll have to stop eating to sit down. This is an easy trick that I find myself naturally doing at parties now.

Don’t bring the bag – When you’re eating, portion everything out! DO NOT BRING THE BAG TO THE COUCH. You’ll find yourself ‘robotically shoveling’ into your mouth and the next thing you know, the whole bag is gone. Don’t even sit next to someone who has done this. Just don’t do it.

Eat Once – DO NOT GRAZE. Load up one plate and only eat that. Grazing adds up. As soon as you walk in the door or your party, the food will probably already be out. Then there will be a meal in the middle of the game. Then deserts. If you eat a full plate at each one of these times, you’ll be WAY over your calories. Eat once. If you get hungry again (Because I hear this whole superbowl thing takes the whole day) then eat another meal, but don’t graze!

If you’re still feeling like today might kick you off your course, check out this superbowl exercise routine. It would be great fun to get the whole family involved and even teach a few people the actual rules and calls in football!

January 26, 2015March 29, 2015

Nikki

This post is to one of my closest friends, cheerleader, support person and overall badass: Nikki. Happy Birthday Girl!

In May of 2013, I told Nikki I was going to try to start eating healthier and that I wanted to lose maybe 50 pounds. When you’re morbidly obese, everyone knows you talking about dieting every now and then and tell those around you you’re going to try. The response from most is just a passing “ok” with the added feeling of “yeah right” behind it. But Nikki didn’t make me feel this way. Right away she offered advice as she was naturally a better eater than I was. She would comment that my pants were getting loose even when I didn’t believe her myself.

That’s the number one thing I love about Nikki: No Judgement. Ever. I never feel judged by her or looked down upon. She is one of the best people I’ve ever met.

Over that summer I lost 30 – 40 pounds and returned to work in the fall. Nikki and I didn’t see each other much that summer since we both travel, work and enjoy every last second of our summers. When we got back to work, she jumped on the band wagon. We started having ‘pot luck style’ lunches where we and a few friends would bring different things for lunches that week. She would force me to try new things that I didn’t even know I liked. Where would I be without her encouraging me to eat hummus or black bean burgers? My life would be so sad! We would check in and talk about our weight and what sucked that week. Since we were under the same stress it was really easy to counsel each other.

That January I joined my gym. She joined too! They were running a groupon so she bought one and would come workout with me in the beginning. She quickly found that my gym wasn’t her style, but since we had started together, I could always talk to her about what was going on at the gym. She started running, biking and 5k training while I worked on strength and cardio. That spring, we both got new jobs.

We still make it a point to get together and we still check in about our weight and how things are going. We love to go to a local vegetarian restaurant where she turned me on to THE BEST bean and quinoa burger EVER. We’ve ran a 5K together and are running a 7K together in March. She constantly reminds me how much of an inspiration I am for her, but she’s just as big for me.

Nikki is an amazing Mom. When I’m at her house, I hope to be the kind of parent that she is. Not only is she finding time for herself and her health, but she models those healthy choices for her son Will and her hubby. She’s also an amazing teacher and advocate for her students. She’s involved with galleries all over town and is often looking for charities and causes to support. So while Nikki thinks I’m the support for her, it’s really the other way around! I think you’re amazing in everything you do. So the HAPPIEST of birthdays to my kick-ass friend. You go girl!

January 25, 2015March 29, 2015

A New Yardstick

Lately the switch from losing weight to maintenance has been really difficult. I’ve been feeling less sexy, confident and proud of what I’ve accomplished. THIS IS NOT a ploy to get tons of compliments of how good I look in this post’s comments. It’s just the truth. My hubby and I were discussing it last night and he helped me figure out part of it.

I’m addicted to the numbers on the scale.

I would get excited every morning to get on the scale. I’d step on and see the lower number I was hoping to see and I would feel PROUD. I’d fist pump the air and think about how awesome I was. This would be the height of most days. Seeing your hard work pay off is such an emotional high!

Now when I get on the scale in the morning, I’m hoping to see the same number. I keep coming back to this. I know I should see the same number. The doctor told me not to lose more weight. I am actually NOT wanting to see it go down. So I get on and think, great, I ate enough yesterday. No fist pump. No rush of awesomeness. Just……ok good.

So much of my ‘awesomeness factor’ was tied to seeing the number go down. I thought I wasn’t so bad or addicted to the numbers, but now that I don’t have them, I’m feeling lost. It’s the easiest way to measure your health and fitness right? If the number goes down, you made the right choices. What do I measure by now? My abilities in fitness change so slowly that over time it’s hard to feel like you’re getting better. It could take me another 6 months to be able to meet my pull up goal. It’s too cold to hike my first 14er or start marathon training.

I know in the spring it will be a lot easier to measure my fitness when I’m training for a half marathon. I will be able to literally measure how far I can run. Right now though……I feel lost. I know it should be a great relief to not be buying new pants every month and have met my goal weight. But I just……don’t. I don’t think I need to lose more weight and I’m really happy with my fitness level……..what’s my new yardstick?

January 23, 2015January 23, 2015

I don’t vs. I can’t

Ah….the end of January. We are finally getting through what I think is one of the most obnoxious months of the year. Everywhere you go and everywhere you look right now there are motivational signs. “The New You!” “Meet your Goals!” “Miracle Pill”……blah blah blah. I do think this is an awesome time to start new things and set new goals, I just don’t want it crammed down my throat everywhere I go. Also….the lists……… Every facebook post, article, and recommended ad link is a list. 10 ways to use coconut oil, 15 diets to try, 27.3 breakfast recipes, The top ten pairs of underwear from 2014……….yuck.

A few weeks back, my aunt posted one of these lists on Facebook and I’m so glad she did. After reading it, one of the points has stuck with me and I keep returning to it. Here’s the full article, yes it’s another list: 15 Phrases that Will Change Your Life in 2015. I have to admit, when I read the title I threw up in my mouth a little. Change my life? Really. I clicked anyway and so should you. After reading the first one, I kept reading and ended up loving this list. While I found the whole list to be helpful and inspiring, #8 has stuck with me for weeks now. Here’s a blurb:

After reading this article, I found that this is something I naturally did throughout my weight loss. “I don’t” feels so much better than “I can’t.”

“I can’t” implies, I should be able to but I’m too fat and gross. I’m not normal like you…….

“I don’t” implies, I’m choosing not to for my health, and gross, you shouldn’t either!

Start paying attention to the language you use around food. Saying “I don’t” can be really empowering especially for your brain. Studies show the more you say “I don’t” vs “I can’t” the easier it is to say no and stay on track. I say “I don’t eat that” a lot, especially around my students. I even think there’s a tad of judgement when saying “I don’t”. When a student offers me hot cheetos I say, “I don’t eat those because…….” and I think it makes them think twice about eating them too. If I say, “I can’t eat those” then it implies that I want to eat them, I just can’t and I can honestly say, I never want to eat hot cheetos!

My I Don’t List

Here’s a list of foods that I just don’t eat. Some are hard and others are easy.

I don’t eat doughnuts. They are too sugary and I threw up the last time I had one which was over a year ago. My body rejects them they are so awful.

I don’t eat regular chips. I do eat baked chips when craving salty snacks but I avoid regular chips at all costs. Especially hot cheetos.

I don’t drink regular soda. I’m hoping to get to a point where I don’t drink ANY soda at all but for now, this is my mantra.

I don’t eat sides of bread or a whole bun. Whenever I get a roll or biscuit, I just don’t eat it. If I’m having a full sandwich, I cut out half the bread. It’s just habit now.

I don’t drink beer. I don’t really enjoy beer and it has soooo many calories so I have a low cal cocktail instead.

I don’t skip the gym. In the past year I have ‘skipped’ less than 5 times. I’m not talking about missing a day for a meeting. I’m talking about days I need to spend more time at home or I’m feeling overwhelmed by deadlines. When I tell myself I’m going, I’m going.

Even if you’re not saying “I don’t” yet, create a list of what you’d like to be able to say “I don’t” to. Maybe it’s a goal list but at least it’s something to work for. Try to cut out “I can’t” as much as possible in all areas of life.

January 20, 2015January 20, 2015

Off Track……

Ever since the holidays, starting a few weeks before Christmas until now, I feel like I just can’t quite get it back.

In September, I hit my goal weight. Ever since then even…..I feel like I’m just not quite figuring it out. September, October and even most of November I was struggling. Once I hit my goal weight, I had trouble not losing more weight for about 6 weeks. Then, I finally figured out how to eat based on my amount of exercise and maintain the same number on the scale. This lasted for about a month and then the holidays hit………

While I don’t feel like I ‘fell off the wagon’ these past two months, I just can’t quite get back to my eating schedule. Between having time off and sweets galore every other day, things have gotten mucky. I felt like I had to loosen my purse strings after hitting my goal weight and then maintain. It was fine to have a sweet treat or big meal now and then but now things are getting hard.

After the holidays, I went on a two week candy and sweets detox. I ate so much that I had avoided that I’m starting to crave it again. I find my thoughts wandering to chocolate and fried things…….. not good. I’ve also been missing my snacks between meals. At first, my metabolism kept up no problem. (NAUGHTY METABOLISM!) This is both a blessing and a curse. When your metabolism ‘forgives’ a sweet treat now and then, it’s easy to get out of control. Suddenly I thought I could drink alcohol, eat fried appetizers and have dessert every weekend. Which then creeps in to weekdays…….

Needless to say, I finally saw the scale going up. I’m still under goal weight but I’m not at the magical number I like to see. I could just put it to the back of my mind and think, “So what? At least I’m still under goal weight.” But for me it needs to be a red flag. I know I could easily fall back into my old habits. I don’t fear gaining all my weight back, but I want to keep up the healthy choices that have gotten me to this weight. It’s always been about being healthy for me, not getting skinny. So I need to make sure that I keep that at the front of my mind.

So today, I ate perfect. I counted my calories and watched my sugar. I’m hoping to drop the two pounds that added up over the last two months but then maintain healthily! I thought I had it but I’m still figuring it out. Also, this last two months have been a great reminder that no matter how I look on the outside, I’ll always be a fat girl on the inside. I’ll always want to eat more than I should. I’ll always want to eat the whole chocolate cake. Maybe I always will but I’m recognizing it and trying my best to make peace with those demons and keep trucking on!

January 14, 2015

Half Their Size

This year, I could NOT WAIT for the “Half Their Size” issue of People to come out. I see it every year. This is the first year I actually read it!

Every year I see the magazine. Two years ago here’s what would run through my head:

“HALF my weight? Yeah right! That’s like…….150 pounds. I could NEVER lose 150 pounds. Those people must have started at like 400 pounds! There’s NO way that could ever be me. Who does that? No one.”

This year:

“Bah! She only lost 115 pounds. I lost more than that! She wasn’t even that heavy to begin with! He lost under a 100? Why is he in the magazine?”

So two years ago I could not even imagine what it would be like to lose even 50 pounds. This year, I’m laughing at the people in the magazine and wishing I’d applied!

There were several stories within the magazine that I enjoyed or hit a note with me. I found myself agreeing or finding common ground with almost everyone of them. If you are on your journey now, I would greatly recommend picking up a copy. It’s always good to hear about other people’s journeys.

There was a lot of buzz when the edition came out around the language they use. There’s actually a petition you can sign to ask People to stop using the terms “No Surgery, No Gimmicks”. Supporters of this petition suggest that weight loss surgery should not be considered a gimmick or that those who have it should be ashamed or considered ‘less than’ those that don’t. So, what do you think? Is weight loss surgery a ‘quick fix’? Is it a cop out? I’ll let you ponder on that for a few days before giving you my thoughts……..Comments!!!!!!

January 11, 2015

The Black Sea of Diet Books

Yesterday I was at Barnes and Nobel and I was overwhelmed by the New Years Resolution theme they have going on right now. Every single table is covered in cook books, diet books, self help books and ‘new you’ books. Everywhere you look there are phrases like “The New You” and “The Tools You Need” and “Your Best Year Yet”. Here’s an example of one side of one of the tables:

I was looking for a particular health book, and found it completely overwhelming to find it. So even when I knew what book I wanted, I couldn’t find what I needed. I started to think of some of you or someone wanting to start a journey, I would have been so overwhelmed by the choices that I probably would have walked out empty handed. I ended up not finding the book I was there for but instead found a hilarious book on running.

Anyway, I wanted to offer some advice when trying to find a new book about dieting or fitness.

You Don’t Need More Than One – Don’t buy five different books about five different diets that are just going to confuse you. If you want to check out a bunch, check your library first and narrow down your options. I ended up buying ZERO books for my journey. After checking some out from the library, I realized I knew what I needed to do and wanted to set my own rules. It helped me realize I didn’t want to follow a plan.
Set Your Goal First – Even before starting to choose a diet plan (if you need one) you need to consider your goals first. Some diets are not appropriate for long distance runners. Others are not for anyone not ready for fitness. Some diets help with lean muscle others help with cardio conditioning. If you know where you want to go, it’s easier to narrow down the diet plans that can get you there.
Stay Positive! – While you are scanning books, if you are thinking to yourself, “I could never do this”, then DON’T BUY IT! Find one that you’re excited about or a set of recipes that looks delicious. If you start your journey thinking about how hard it’s going to be, you’ll probably give up. There are different plans for everyone based on how fast you want to lose your weight, how much fitness you’ll be doing and how much time you’re going to dedicate to it. Find one that fits you because there are hundreds and there’s a good fit for whatever you’re looking for.

When I look at that picture above, here’s what I see: A lot of books claiming to all have the secret. (Other than the super hot Chris Powell!) The real truth behind diet books is……………THEY ALL WORK. Each one claims to give you the results you need because each one can. There is no one true diet plan. Every single one of these plans will give you some sort of results. However, it’s your choice and within your power to decide which is best FOR YOU.

There is one book that I would highly recommend and my original reason for going to B & N. I never shop there because I try to shop local but I knew Tattered Cover didn’t have a copy. This is the only diet book that I will probably ever recommend to all who are on a weightloss journey:

Diet Cults is written by Fitness and Nutrition Writer, Matt Fitzgerald. He takes you through several diets that we’ve all heard of: Weight Watchers, Paleo, Atkins…..and so on and explains why each isn’t any better than the other. Matt is an extreme endurance runner and suggests a much simpler way of eating that doesn’t require so many rules. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Even if you are following a plan because that’s what works for you, I still think it’s worth reading!

Wow. I feel like I’ve rambled in this post so let’s recap:

DO NOT walk into a bookstore to get a health related book without knowing what you are generally going to get right now. They are really overwhelming.
IF you think you need a diet plan with rules, choose one not fifty. If you’re unsure, go to the library instead.
All diet plans work. If you put in the work, you’ll get results.
Not everyone needs a diet plan. Don’t be afraid to create your own!