Yoga Pants Diary

November 11, 2014November 12, 2014

Skinny Bitches

****WARNING: I will be using the B-word in this post. Sorry. I will use it as little as possible for those of you concerned.

I guess it’s time to bring up one of the most thought about issues by fat girls everywhere: Skinny Bitches. Now that I’ve dropped the weight and gotten fit, I am often the said B-yotch in the situation. Not always. There is usually someone in the room that is thinner or obviously much better looking. I live in Colorado now where we grow our men mountain-strong and women glow from 300 days of sunlight. However, in the right room with the right people, I am that girl.

Now that I write this blog and have made fitness and health such a huge part of my life, I often talk about it with people. By people I mean…….(well I am my Mother’s child and I live in Colorado where people actually talk to each other) people I meet at the store, at the gym, at school, at restaurants and so on. Pretty much anywhere you can imagine. So I have met all kinds of people that are losing weight, need to lose weight, don’t need to lose weight, are worried about their weight, aren’t worried about it, SHOULD be worried about it…….it’s endless. But one consistent thing I still CAN’T believe is how often a “skinny bitch” is just as worried about their weight as I am. I have met ALL kinds of women and let me tell you, I can’t believe how many of these women work a lot harder than you would ever think that they do. Women that don’t worry about their weight are rare! We all think that no one thinks about it as much as we do. We think we are the only one to ever think “I’m the ugliest person in the world.” But the truth is, it’s the people that never have that are rare. It’s this weirdness that actually makes us normal.

So yes, Skinny Bitches do exist. I have met a few in the wild but they are extremely rare. These women just have naturally good eating habits and have never really had a weight problem and haven’t had to think about it. However, the ‘normal’ woman, from what I’ve met, think about weight all the time. They do think about having a salad now so they can have a steak later. You see them having drinks because they ran 3 miles before work. You might see me every otherish Friday with my friend Kelley sharing a plate of green chili and cheese tater tots at a local neighborhood tavern because I go to the gym five times a week. (I’m just saying it might happen) Just because you don’t know about it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

Another Truth is when you are as obese as I was, you wear your weight problem on the outside. Everyone can see you have a weight problem. However, a lot of ‘skinny bitches’ have weight problems too. They have recovering problems. Or reoccurring problems, Or making sure it doesn’t become a problem. It’s the same for almost everyone. Even though I’ve reached my goal weight I don’t think I have conquered my weight problem. I joked with my doctor: “I did it. I reached my goal weight. I’m done now.” and she said “Well I guess you can go then!” BUT another truth is I’ll never stop having a weight problem. Maybe after 10 years? 15? Who knows……..

November 11, 2014

The Doctor

On Friday, I had an appointment with my doctor. I thought I’d share the questions I asked and the feeling of being at the doctor as a normal weight person. I made this appointment for two reasons:

1. I knew it was time to test my thyroid again because I’ve been having temperature management issues which can usually mean the thyroid. Also, I’d lost 40 pounds since it was last tested.

2. My skin……………while my muscles are looking better than ever in my whole life, my skin is getting worse and worse. Some areas as slowly shrinking back to where they should be but most of it is a lost cause. It’s now causing problems in my belly button and groin area after workouts. Also, during workouts jumping and running are getting painful.

I was actually excited about this doctor’s appointment, which never happens. I usually dread going to the doctor. Visiting your doctor when you’re morbidly obese, it’s their job to tell you it’s a problem. I would go in for something totally unrelated to weight but would inevitably get ‘the talk’. “You know you’ll be overall healthier if you drop some weight” or “this wouldn’t be an issue if you lost some weight” or “You’re overall healthy but I’d love to see your weight come down”. No matter what issue I went to the doctor for, I’d usually leave feeling bad about myself. Now, it is their JOB to recommend you get healthy. I never had a doctor that I felt treated me differently or judged me because of my weight. Remember, when I was at my heaviest I was living in Illinois where most people are overweight so seeing me wasn’t that different from every other patient.

During the last year and a half of my weight loss I have only been sick twice. Both times it was a cold that I got over much faster than I would have previously. So I haven’t been to the doctor much over my journey. I’ve been to nutritionist and trainers but rarely checked in with my doctor. I had not seen her since I hit my 100 pound mark or my goal weight. So I was excited for her to see what I had done and how it was reflected in my overall health. She was shocked. I’ve never had a doctor say to me before, “I’m so proud of you!” Here’s some of the questions I asked and her response from what I can remember:

How often do normal people weight themselves and think about weight? It varies. Some people only go by how their clothes fit and only get weighed at the doctor. Other people weigh themselves everyday. It honestly varies from one end of the spectrum to the other. Since you’ve worried about weight so far your whole life, you’ll probably continue for the rest of your life. There might never come a time when you don’t think about it. I think it will taper down, but you’ll probably always think about it because you always have. But maybe being more conscience of it will keep you from going backwards.

How do I know if I have more weight to lose? DON’T LOSE ANY MORE WEIGHT. (I’m putting this one in to remind myself!) You’ve reached healthy BMI (24) and I wouldn’t recommend you going any further. Pay attention to other numbers like body fat, cholesterol, and your thyroid. My Question: Well I’m not sure what I weigh without all my extra skin. I don’t want to be to skinny or heavy when my skin comes off. Response: Worry about that when the skin comes off. There’s no way to know how much is skin versus fat versus muscle. Don’t worry about it. You’re BMI is healthy, so I’m happy.

What are the requirements for skin surgery? I am really curious about this. I’m no where near ready for surgery and need to make a stop in Baby Town first but I want to know what they expect to see when I AM ready for surgery. Response: I have no idea. I’m writing you a referral to their department right now. Every doctor is different. Some will just want to see you. Others want to see your stats. Others want you to maintain for a certain amount of time. Either way, it’s really hard to get done medically. Just be ready for that.

I can not say enough how nice it was to go to the doctor and not leave feeling bad. I left feeling amazing. My doctor could recommend a single thing for me to be doing differently.

November 9, 2014November 9, 2014

I don’t have time for that!

I hear, “I don’t have time to work out” all the time and often said it myself in the past. The truth really is, that most of us aren’t willing to sacrifice time on the couch or out shopping for fitness. But honestly, we all do. There are 7 minute work outs, 15, 30, hours….and so on. How many of us have at least 7 minutes in a day? Everyone of us!

The point of working out is to increase your overall fitness and health. You decide how quickly you want to get fit and to what level. Are you trying to increase your endurance? Running distance? Muscle strength? Have an idea of where you want to go so you can start getting there. In my mind, a long distance runner is my ideal fitness. When I think of what a healthy person looks like, I automatically think of a runner. Know what your ideal fitness level is.

You decide what your ideal is, how fast you’re going to get there and how much time you want to spend doing it. For me, I wanted to get there as fast as possible. That’s why a joined a gym. I do believe that you can get the same results working by yourself as you can in a group, but I can’t. I love going to the gym for social and health reasons. That’s just how I chose to do it. I go to the gym 4-5 times a week and don’t feel like myself when I don’t. Again, this is just how I chose to do it but it can be done so many different ways! Just make sure whatever you are doing is getting you closer to your goal.

November 4, 2014

Planksgiving

One of my short term fitness goals, is to increase the time that I can plank. Slowly I’ve increased the amount of time I can hold a plank. Planking is awesome and works so many muscle groups all at the same time. Always, in the first 15 seconds, I feel like I could hold the plank for days. Then after the first minute, I think I might die.

YOU WILL NOT DIE FROM PLANKING. When you think you’re about to die, hold it 10 more seconds and you’ll find that you didn’t.

So where do you start? I have found that everyone seems to have a different idea of what a plank is and what the proper form is to do it. Here’s a link that I like and agree with: How to Plank.

Planking, when done right, should hurt your entire core. It’s great for posture and strength. You can read about all the benefits: Here.

I often shake when I get close to my physical limit. Don’t let this distract you! Find a zone and forget about the time. Here’s a great visual for this month to get you from not planking at all to a 3 minute plank. I think I’m currently around 2 minutes and I will be following this to push myself to three minutes. Join my on my goal this month: Planksgiving!

November 2, 2014

Hot on Halloween

This year I wanted to do Halloween up right! As an adult, every Halloween I see women who use Halloween as an excuse to dress up sexy! I, unfortunately, have never been one of these women. I always have to pass by the Pretty Kitty, Slutty Snow White and Sinderella outfits because I know they won’t be in my size. If they do have 2X or 3X I’d never be comfortable wearing it in public. And then I’d be one of those girls. Now let’s be serious. I’m not one of THOSE women who use Halloween as an excuse to practically be naked in public. *ahem…..you yeah Princess Leah in the Gold Bikini I’m talking to you! BTW she didn’t even have the traditional hair. Just saying. I love you Mean Girls, but I’m pretty sure I did just say something about it. Sorry!

I just wanted to feel cute and buy a regular costume in a regular size and go out with my husband. We went to basically my favorite place, Howl at the Moon. I go there with my girlfriends but never with him and I was super excited! It’s a dueling piano bar in Downtown Denver where there are live musicians all night. The best part of it is that you can be part of the audience, because it’s basically a concert every night where you can request them to play ANY song ever. OR you can be part of the show and out on the dance floor. There are like zones of participation. So I knew either way he’d be comfortable.

We ended up at the just the right store, which shall remain nameless, which had just the right sale ON Halloween. They had regular size costumes that were flirty but still suitable for public. I bought three. I decided to wear the most modest one of course because I’m just not confident about everything I got going on yet. More on that later………

So I decided to go with a sweater dress ensemble as a Sock Monkey that I found at said store. If the photographer had told me, I would have pulled it down further but……hindsight and all that.

For once I got a super cute costume that was a Medium (!?) at a regular store for a killer price and wore it out with with my husband wear we danced the night away and had an awesome time. Best. Halloween. Ever!

PS – For those wondering, I did get Sexy Snowhite but I won’t be posting a picture of it ANY time soon or wearing it in public. My confidence is high but I’m still a married woman! Oh and BTW: It was $5.

October 27, 2014

Comparing

I constantly compare myself to other people. Even when I was at my heaviest, I would look for other girls that I thought were my size or larger just to see what I looked like. I continue to do this now. I think all women are constantly looking at others and ‘sizing’ themselves up.

We hear the phrase “You are your only competition” all the time, but how many people really do this? I would say in almost every area of my life, this is true for me. I compete with only myself in my career. I hold myself to a set of expectations and meet them. I push myself and don’t really care what others think about it as long as I’m happy with it. I also do this in my marriage. I don’t have a cookie cutter relationship with roles and regulations like some might expect to see. We break rules all the time. Again, our relationship works for us and I could care less what people think. BUT I do struggle with this when it comes to my image.

I could have written this whole post like, I don’t care what people think when they look at me and I’m my only competition. But that’s not really how I feel. I still compare myself to other women all the time. I still wonder what I look like to other women and men. But I do think the lens that I look through is different now. When I used to see a thin girl, I would get jealous mad. I was mostly mad at myself and the choices I had made. Now when I see one, I know what work they have put in. There are women out there that never think about food or fitness but this is RARE. I know the difference in the physique of someone who works out and who doesn’t. Now, sometimes I’m still jealous when I see them but I’m jealous because it’s something I want to do too!

I would even say that 15% of women have been dropped off my radar. These 15% are too thin, unhealthy and unattractive. I don’t want to be a size 2 because I don’t think it’s attractive and the hubby agrees. Then there’s the 20% that I think I’m in now: thin, active, muscular. Of course there are then heavy, overweight, obese and morbidly obese women still too. When I see these women, I’m comparing them to my old self and wishing I could do something to help them. I wish I had a t-shirt that said “ASK ME HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT, BECAUSE YOU NEED TO!” and that I wouldn’t have things thrown at me for wearing it.

So basically……….I’m saying it’s ok to judge but these women aren’t your competition. The real competition is the battle you are fighting inside but look at other bodies. Which one looks like yours? Which one do you want to look like? Which ones don’t you want to look like? Pick one and go for it!

October 26, 2014

Thyroid Tests

I am a huge enemy of the thyroid! I consistently discuss thyroid issue or undiagnosed issues with people all the time. One of my first questions when someone tells me they are going to start to try losing weight is always, “Have you had your thyroid tested?” Unless you have experienced thyroid issues, it is difficult to explain them to someone else. I no longer have a thyroid and don’t have to deal with these problems anymore! You can read the whole story here: The Thyroid Saga .

Whenever I stumble across an article about the thyroid, I almost always read it. So many people have been through the same issues as you or even worse. I found this article interesting and very true:

Remember: I am not a medical professional and neither is this author. However, all the information I read here was correct in my own experience as well. Hope this brings a few of you answers!

October 21, 2014October 21, 2014

Mistakes

It’s time to forgive yourself. In order to move forward with a new lifestyle, you have to let the old you go. I think this is the hardest part of weight loss. It sounds silly, of course if you are hoping to lose weight you expect that you’ll change. However, when it’s actually happening, it’s a whole different ball game.

Forgiveness: Forgiveness is a hard lesson to learn and it’s hardest to forgive your past self. There is absolutely nothing you can do about choices you’ve made in the past. You have no control over what you’ve already done. You can only control what happens in the present and future. You must learn to forgive this person for what they have done to you.

I learned to forgive myself by letting go of who I used to be. I didn’t want to be that person anymore or make those choices that were causing me to be so obese. I didn’t like her anymore. I didn’t want to be disappointed in myself and how I looked anymore. So I chose to start counting my successes instead of my mistakes. In the beginning, my mistakes definitely outweighed my healthy choices. But I learned to compare how I was eating now to how I used to eat. Every time I made even the smallest of good choices, I counted that as a success. You’ve seen me write many time about how fast little things add up. Each choice you make, changes the outcome on the scale the next morning, week and month.

So today, stop keeping track of what you do wrong. Focus on what you’re doing right! The more you focus on the positive, the more you’ll want it. The more you celebrate good choices, the more good choices you’ll make and the easier it will get. Stop it. It’s time to forgive yourself.

October 18, 2014March 29, 2015

Fight!

This past week was pink week at my gym to support breast cancer. During a workout this week, my trainer said something that has stuck with me all week and has helped me not only through workouts but tough days at school and long nights in meetings.

“Fight because you can. Fight for those who can’t.”

While there are people everywhere who are choosing to be unhealthy, unactive and obese, there are others that are struggling each and everyday, plagued by something they can’t control. We are so lucky to be who we are and have what we have. I now know how lucky I am to have a healthy lifestyle and to have adopted it so completely. Sometimes when I look back at this last year, I realize I could have just done nothing. I could have stayed exactly the same and continued to make the same choices I’d always made. But I chose not to.

There are others out there that have no choice what life has given them. I have been very lucky and thankful not to have breast cancer, or much cancer at all, within my family tree. What I can’t believe is how long I was choosing to be unhealthy when there are so many others who don’t get to choose.

A lot of people think what I’ve done is amazing. While I believe that’s true, I don’t think it’s anything close to what some of these women go through. Sure, I cut back on calories and went without candy and chocolate for months at a time. But really? How can that compare to the Big C? Right now I’m sitting at Starbucks and filling time before my Saturday morning workout. During my workout today, I will push myself a little harder, run a little faster and lift a little more. Why? Because I CAN. Do it for those that CAN’T.

October 11, 2014March 29, 2015

Just Breathe!

As a professionally trained singer, I know how to breathe. I know how to use my diaphragm to hit the high notes and keep things in tune. My lung capacity is excellent and I can hold a note longer than almost anyone I know. However, my lungs had not a clue what to do while I ran!

It sounds silly but there is a proper way to breathe while you run. If your lungs are burning, you are coughing or can’t catch your breath, you’re doing it wrong. As you condition, your lungs will become stronger and allow you to run longer. Also, your recovery time when you finish should get shorter and shorter. Here’s a link to a short article I liked about how to breathe when you run: