{"id":1681,"date":"2020-04-03T14:03:28","date_gmt":"2020-04-03T20:03:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/?p=1681"},"modified":"2020-10-08T14:22:48","modified_gmt":"2020-10-08T20:22:48","slug":"when-i-say-im-not-ok","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/?p=1681","title":{"rendered":"When I say I\u2019m Not Ok"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Some mornings I wake up and it\u2019s already choking me. I can feel it sitting at the top of my throat like the aftertaste from the day before. It whispers, \u201cToday will be impossible\u201d before my feet hit the ground. I don\u2019t feel it crawl into bed at night, but it\u2019s laying on my chest when I wake up. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sometimes anxiety starlets me out of nowhere; Like the gunshot to start the race has suddenly gone off, before you saw the trigger pulled, in a race you didn\u2019t mean to be in. Out of nowhere you\u2019re scared, confused and have to run. Sometimes these tip over into full blown attacks for me. (Read about the joy of that <a href=\"http:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/?p=1593\">HERE<\/a>) Other times I just have to be alone for an hour. Other times tears stream down my face for no reason at all for an hour. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yogapantsdiary.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/IMG_6885-scaled.jpg?fit=525%2C700\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1682\" width=\"292\" height=\"389\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yogapantsdiary.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/IMG_6885-scaled.jpg?w=1920&amp;ssl=1 1920w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yogapantsdiary.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/IMG_6885-scaled.jpg?resize=225%2C300&amp;ssl=1 225w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yogapantsdiary.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/IMG_6885-scaled.jpg?resize=768%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yogapantsdiary.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/IMG_6885-scaled.jpg?resize=1152%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1152w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yogapantsdiary.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/IMG_6885-scaled.jpg?resize=1536%2C2048&amp;ssl=1 1536w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yogapantsdiary.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/IMG_6885-scaled.jpg?w=1050&amp;ssl=1 1050w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 292px) 100vw, 292px\" \/><figcaption>Anxiety looks different on everyone and can hide behind so many things. <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Other times I can feel my anxiety building over days. At first I can be reasonable and tolerate it. I go for a quick run, journal a bit, have a cup of coffee and deal with it. Then the next day it gets harder, and then a little harder. Then I\u2019ll have a day where no matter what I do, I just can\u2019t. There\u2019s absolutely nothing I can do to resolve the discomfort I feel. Have you ever been so sun burned that it hurt to wear clothes? Sometimes hours after you can still feel the heat of your skin. None of your favorite things can soothe you and everything hurts. My anxiety feels like that, but on the inside. It buzzes and radiates just under my skin. It makes me so uncomfortable I can&#8217;t stand being myself.  And even though I try, nothing makes me feel much better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>These are the days I say, \u201cI\u2019m not ok.\u201d There are a few people in my life that totally understand what this means from me. Amy is one of those people. Maybe it\u2019s because she works in mental health, maybe it\u2019s because she\u2019s married to a cute EMT, maybe it\u2019s because she just has the biggest heart I\u2019ve ever seen but she gets it better than anyone. If I tell Amy \u201cI\u2019m not ok\u201d, it\u2019s like going through a triage list. I immediately have her full attention. First she asks what I\u2019ve tried, how I\u2019m feeling, what happened, what can she do&#8230;.. but most of all, she listens and then says she\u2019s sorry. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>People with anxiety don\u2019t need to hear positive affirmations. I don\u2019t like to be told \u201cthe things I haven\u2019t tried\u201d.  I don&#8217;t want you to belittle my feelings but affirm that they have meaning.  As ridiculous as my anxiety can be, I never want to be told I&#8217;m ridiculous.  Don&#8217;t tell me to shrug it off or just look on the brighter side.  Tell me I&#8217;ll be ok and that it&#8217;s just gonna be crappy for a little while longer. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Amy doesn\u2019t try to fix me. She doesn\u2019t judge me or expect me to be something I\u2019m not. She meets me where I am. She reminds me that I\u2019ve made it before. She reminds me what\u2019s worked before which helps me see, I\u2019ve survived this before. She helps me ride the waves of my anxiety instead of telling me the wave isn&#8217;t there. She stands with me in the storm and offers any kind of umbrella she has.  She\u2019s a ride or die kind of friend. I\u2019ll always be grateful to have her in my life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you&#8217;re dealing with anxiety yourself, make sure you&#8217;re clear with your needs with those around you.  I try to warn loved ones as best I can that I&#8217;m having a hard time, before it&#8217;s too hard.  If you&#8217;re dealing with loved ones that have anxiety, just listen.  Just meet them where they are at. Just say you&#8217;re sorry.  It&#8217;s ok not to understand anxiety or know what it looks or feels like.  Just do your best to listen. And when someone says they&#8217;re not ok, take it seriously. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Some mornings I wake up and it\u2019s already choking me. I can feel it sitting at the top of my throat like the aftertaste from the day before. It whispers, \u201cToday will be impossible\u201d before my feet hit the ground. I don\u2019t feel it crawl into bed at night, but it\u2019s laying on my chest &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/?p=1681\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;When I say I\u2019m Not Ok&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1681","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-emotions"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4PFDd-r7","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1681","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1681"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1681\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1683,"href":"https:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1681\/revisions\/1683"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1681"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1681"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogapantsdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1681"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}