You’re Best is Good Enough

Now that I’ve been working consistently with women of all different shapes, sizes, backgrounds, races and abilities I’m come to notice a certain trend.

We all need to stop apologizing.  Just Stop.

I hear apologies for nearly every woman client that I have throughout the day.  Here are a few I hear each day:

• Sorry I’m late! Traffic was……
• Sorry I couldn’t do those last two reps, I just……
• Sorry I could have put that away……
• Sorry I didn’t mean to be in your way……..
• Sorry…..
• Sorry…..
• Sorry……

UGGGGGGH.  STOP WITH THE SORRYS!  I’m starting to see a difference in what sorry means to some of us.  Sorrys should be for accidents, broken promises and grievances. I think we are both confusing what this word means and how it should make us feel.

I think to most women sorry really means = I feel guilty I didn’t do better.  This leaves you with three choices: continuing to feel bad and guilty, choosing to do better or accepting that you’re good is good enough.

Continuing the Cycle: Does it ever really feel that good to say sorry? It shouldn’t.  Sorry should be for BIG things.  It seems like we use it in place of “Excuse Me” “Pardon Me” “I didn’t mean to” “Accidental”……when it’s not supposed to mean any of those.  Sorry is for asking forgiveness, being vulnerable and waiting to see if you can be forgiven.  How can you say sorry 100 times a day and it not wear on your self esteem? If you are constantly apologizing for every little thing you do, aren’t you eventually apologizing for your existence?

Choosing to do Better: I hear “Sorry, I just couldn’t keep going…..” all the time at my job.  Let’s be clear: if you can to do better, do better.  If you can’t, you can’t. You shouldn’t apologize for your own limits but you also shouldn’t use Sorry as an excuse.  How many times a day do you start sentences with “Sorry”?  Maybe, instead of being sorry, do better. If you are doing your best, don’t ever apologize for it.

Which leads us right into the last portion:

Accept Your Good is Good Enough: If you’re best is your best, don’t apologize for it.  You’re best won’t be the same each day but if you can keep a high standard and always present your best, people will believe it’s your best.  A lot of feeling ‘less than’ comes from comparing yourselves to others.  Every person has battles going on that you know nothing about.  That person running faster than you on the treadmill? They are running from some pretty serious addictions demons and unless they reach that peak heart rate zone, the endorphins won’t kick in and help that guy through his day.  The woman that has super strong legs and can deadlift more than you? She used to be obese and fights the same battle day after day.

The point is: you’re best isn’t the same as anyone else’s best. So who controls what’s good enough? Who decides that meter? You.

When is your good going to be good enough?

I have a current client who does countless amazing things.  She’s a Mom, has a career and even does lots of volunteer work.  From the moment I met her, I knew two things about her: she’ll always give her very best because I’m not sure she knows how not to and she thinks she should be even better.  She was constantly struggling to prioritize herself in her own life, which is easy for me to say from the outside.  I could see her being pulled in 50 different directions and at the end of the day, it was her who suffered most.

During our workouts together she would constantly apologize for her things outside her control.  One day I had to call her out on it.  I jokingly asked “Do you apologize for everything?”  And I could see her think about it.  Over the course of the workout I tried to point out every apology when she meant something else.  The less she apologized, the more her mood lifted.  After a few more workouts, she stopped apologizing so much.  After a few weeks, she shared with me how much she realized she’s always done it.

I’m now starting to see this woman transform into someone new.  Our words have more power, meaning and weight then we know.  Count up your apologies today and see how many are really meaningful and how maybe substitute another feeling!