Days 6-12 have been a little more difficult than the first week. The better I feel the more I want to move around but I get tired really quickly…….
Day 6 – 7
On Day 6, I finally left the house!!!! That morning, I woke up to something a little scary. Up until now, the only blood I’ve seen is the blood from my drain that I measure out of its little balloon at morning and night. On Day 6, I woke up with blood running down my right leg, from my drain. I immediately woke up Dan in case we had to go to urgent care. It was dried on my leg and as soon as I sat up, more came out. Of course when it’s your own blood, it seems like a lot. I’m still not really sure how much it was. Since I had Kaiser insurance (shout out!) I called the emergency nurse line since the offices weren’t open yet. I talked to an RN that assured me it was perfectly normal. Apparently, sometimes things (like a clot or a bubble) are too big to go down the tube, so they find the nearest exit. Since I’m glued shut everywhere else, these are my only exits. As long as the drain still has suction, it’s functioning. She told me to go to Walgreens and what sort of bandages we should get. YAY! Not only do I not have to spend the whole morning at urgent care, I get to go on a field trip!
The car ride was a little uncomfortable. When you can’t brace your core for bumps and turns, you just feel everything. We made it to Walgreens and got lunch. I tired out in about an hour of being out of the house. But, it was outside none the same!
Could I have left the house sooner? Probably not by much. Since I live upstairs, that adds extra work. Also, since it’s cold out, I have to be able to stand wearing a little bit of clothes at least. I think I started wearing pants the day before this.
Day 8 – First Post Op Appointment
In the last few days leading up to this appointment, my right drain started ‘drying up’ . It was hardly getting enough fluid out to measure in what they had given me. I had a feeling they were going to take it out which was both exciting and frightening. I really just wanted to hear that everything was looking great. Since I wasn’t able to drive yet, my oldest Denver friend Melody took me. I met Melody at my first gym here, Cole Fusion. She is one of the only people left in my life that knew me from before. It was kind of exciting to have her with me.
They called me back quickly. I knew I was just seeing the nurse today but everything went really quick. The nurse brought me back and asked me how everything was going, took my blood pressure and asked about my drains. I’m so used to being mostly naked now, and texting people pictures of my naked frankenbody that I just stripped and showed her. She giggled and asked me, “Do you want a gown?” Melody laughed too. I’m so comfortable in my body now that it really doesn’t even matter. The nurse looked at each drain and my incision. She thought everything looked wonderful and the right drain should come out. Once it’s below 30 ccs in a 24 hours period, they are ready to come out. I had taken my 2nd to last pain pill an hour before my appointment because I was afraid of the drains coming out.
GRAPHIC PIC ALERT COMING SOON!
“Is this gonna hurt?” I asked her. I knew I could take it. I’d been pretty miserable at points during this and it couldn’t be worse that that. “Most people say it just stings,” she said. She was right. I took a deep breath and she pulled a bunch of tubing out of me. I didn’t watch. I have no idea how much was inside me but I could feel in snake out from beneath midsection. Pretty weird. She covered the hole in my leg and changed my other dressing. She warned me what to look for now that the drain was out. As soon as I stood up, I felt great. The drains are placed across my hip flexors and it makes it uncomfortable, especially from sitting to standing, sometimes. Not anymore! My right leg moves so much better and more comfortably.
The nurse also said my other drain would hopefully dry up soon and everything looked ahead of schedule. Then she of course asked me why I had the surgery. ***Insert story I’ve rehearsed a million times and all her typical question and responses.*** Then she had to look at my pre op photos. A few months back Dr. Gerow had taken nude photos of me to prove the procedure was medically necessary, thus paid for by my insurance. She was shocked. Melody was shocked. I was shocked. Now, when I say nude, I mean I have no clothes on my lower half. However, as I’ve mentioned, I could stand fully naked and not show my lady flower. (which Dan says I have to stop calling it…..lol)
The nurse also gave me a binder. For the last few days, wearing underwear had felt nice. The compression around my opening was quite soothing. After the doctor we went to Walgreens again and then I went home and slept for a few hours. The whole outing was exhausting. I got on here and wrote and cried and wrote and cried. It felt therapeutic in a way. Check the last post for more.
Day 9-10
On days 9 -10, I started hitting my limit. I think I spent all of day 9 alone which hadn’t happened since I’d come out of my oxy cloud. I don’t remember what I did. I don’t think I did anything, and that’s just fine too. That night a friend invited me to do something, thinking maybe I was up for it, and I couldn’t go. I knew I shouldn’t go. So I had a pity party.
On Day 10, I got really sad. I woke up feeling lonely after having my pity party the night before. I know that this is all part of the process but, I interact with a lot of people every day. I work in such a social place that there’s always someone to talk to. You can’t go to the bathroom without running into three conversations. I’m missing it more and more. I’m an extroverted person and ‘isolation’ was really starting to get to me. I cried a lot that morning. Sometimes when I’m overwhelmed, I just cry. Tears just stream down my face for absolutely no reason and I can’t really stop. I called Dan and he tried to snap me out of it. It didn’t really help. I texted my friend Gary. I texted my friend Amy. Although they were all supportive, it didn’t seem to make a difference. I felt frustrated with everything and isolated. I was tired of being uncomfortable and slow. I needed to get it together and attempt some preThanksgiving baking. I was thinking back to a few days before when I’d tried to put my yoga pants on and failed. They were just too tight. However, since the drain had come out, the swelling had gone down at a much faster rate. Not only was my body learning how to absorb its own swelling, but my scar was becoming more and more exposed. I haven’t been taking measurements, but I just felt so much more comfortable. So I thought, let’s try again. When I put them on, I was shocked. I wear yoga pants every day for my job. (I know, be jealous) Putting my exact same pants on felt completely different.
I usually take a video to get a lot of my images and take a screen shot from within the video. When I watched the video back, I didn’t realize it, but I’d caught myself feeling where it all used to be. I caught my moments of disbelief.
I cried again seeing that picture of myself. I’m still learning that it’s gone. I’m still figuring it out. I still can’t believe how tiny I am after all this time. Later that day my friend Amy came over for a Muppet Christmas Carol related emergency. We talked, gossiped, baked, cursed, laughed, decorated cookies and had a completely normal girl time. It was exactly what I needed.
Day 11 – Thanksgiving
Dan and I have almost always done our own Thanksgiving. Even when we go to someone else’s house, we still have our own meal. We woke up late (9 am?) and I instructed Dan how to make rolls while I hollered from a stool in the corner. By the time they proofed three times I was past time to put the turkey in. Whatever. We were going to a friend of mines house, Jenny (who I thought was there when I woke up from surgery) for appetizers and drinks while the turkey was in. By the time I showered and got dressed it was noon. We were to go to Jenny’s in an hour. Dan was just about to open the turkey from its brine bath and……..POP. A transformer blows and the whole grid loses power. Um……..excuse me? I have a turkey to make in my ELECTRIC OVEN? It’s 20 degrees outside! How long will the apartment stay warm? After a quick roll call of which friends were even in town, I realized we were screwed. I had wet hair. I hadn’t baked the appetizer for Jenny’s. Grrrrrrrrrrreat.
So we went to Jenny’s and I blow dried my hair there while 5 new friends, 1 old friend and Dan waited. So silly. Dan gets an alert that the power should be back on soon. We have a great time at Jenny’s meeting new people, seeing her amazing house and it was the first time I was meeting her partner. But of course, I got tired quickly. I had to sit down most of the time I was there because Nurse Dan can’t take a holiday (HA!) and I didn’t really feel like myself the whole time. I felt comfortable just tired and not as outgoing as usual. We left Jenny’s at 3:45.
At 3:58 we pulled into King Soopers because let’s face it, we’re not eating Turkey at this point. Rotisserie Chicken will have to do this year. As we get out the cart guy says, “We close in two minutes. You can’t go in.” Yep. That seems about right. I’m about out of patience at this point but I try. I try so hard. We make it home. We wait for the the power to come on. The turkey goes in the over at 5:30, scheduled to be done at 9:30. Really? We decide to just go ahead with everything. We make the typical sides: mashed potatoes, corn, green bean casserole, stuffing, rolls, deviled eggs and……….lunchmeat. LOL. It actually wasn’t too bad. By the time the turkey was done, I was half a sleep. It was exhausting and unsatisfying no matter how much we tried to make the best of it.
Day 12
Are you still reading? This one got long……. Day 12 was black friday and I did not miss going out to stores. I shopped online and Dan took me two places when he got home. Does everyone know about site to store? LOL. I’m old fashioned and usually do my own shopping. Apparently you can just pick what you want from home and someone will get it together and bring it to the front. What?! Although convenient, I think I’ll keep shopping for myself. I spent the day alone but it was really nice after the hooplah of Thanksgiving. I needed time alone to think and just…..be alone for a while! While the swelling continues to go down at an alarming rate, the my last remaining drain still has 60 ccs coming out a day. This is double what I need to get it removed. This also means I’ll be returning to work on Monday with the drain still in. The more the swelling goes down, the more comfortable to drain is but…..kinda sick of it. That morning I emailed the nurses at Kaiser (look at me learning all the technologies the young folks are using!) to make sure my drainage was ok, which she assured me was still normal.
GRAPHIC PIC COMING AFTER THIS ONE
On day 12 I had another small victory. This red pants are in my, makes me feel bad about myself pile. I stopped wearing them after I saw a photo I didn’t like of myself in them. So I didn’t wear them anymore. Um…..I think I’ll put them back in the drawer. Seriously, who’s body is this? Mine?
I see my reflection and I see that it’s me. I see me and I’m not used to loving how I look. I’m not used to the pride it gives me to look in the mirror. I’ve never felt some of the things I’m feeling now. I just can’t get over it. What the human body can do and overcome and heal from is amazing. What my brain is doing? It’s an entirely different battle.