Lately I’ve been feeling like the summer is getting away from me way too quickly! I haven’t done nearly as many things as I hoped to. Last month I had ants in my pants about getting to do more things. So we made plans for hiking a 14er and signing up for indoor rock climbing. Read about my 14er experience here!
Rock climbing is something I’ve been interested in for a while. I first looked in to it this winter when I was stuck inside and going crazy. Since I live in the climbing capital of the world, there were LOTS of options. I started on Groupon and asked around for advice on where to go. I very quickly found Earth Treks.
Earth Treks is one of the larger climbing gyms near Denver. It’s located in Golden, CO. Although I wish it was closer, it is easy to get to. A friend of a friend recommended this place as well as a staff member at our local outdoor store: REI. They also have a introduction package that I thought was worth the deal.
For $79 you get a BOGO offer for two introductory classes and a 15 day open pass. I definitely needed the introduction class and the hubby needed a refresher. So we signed up for this past Saturday and went.
When I try new things now, I get less and less nervous. I find that I’m so fit now that it’s hard to surprise myself with what I could do. I wasn’t nervous about my abilities to rock climb but I was nervous about the height. While I don’t have a natural fear of heights, I do have a fear of falling. I hate that suspended feeling. You know when you’re in an elevator and there’s that second of suspension before you get to your floor? That makes my stomach flip every single time. So I wasn’t sure how my brain would react to the heights of climbing and how it might effect me physically.
The staff at Earth Treks was great! We went for our introduction class this past Saturday. They taught us all the basics of climbing: knots, harness, safety, belay and a little bit of movement. On my first climb, I made it to the top with ease. The course we chose was fairly easy for our first time. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to pull myself to the top. I found myself thinking, “What’s the big deal?”. Just wait…..
I didn’t have any fears of falling while climbing. Maybe it was because my hubby was my anchor (belay is the proper term) and I knew he’d never let anything happen. Even when I turned to look at the top of the wall or glanced down to find the next foothold, I never got scared. Each climb got harder and harder. We selected harder courses and moved to a taller wall.
By my third time up, my arms were exhausted! I don’t currently do a lot of forearm work because…..well I never thought about it! But my forearms ached the rest of the day! Some parts of rock climbing are easier than I thought while others are harder. It definitely uses different muscles than I usually work. Overall it was a great time and SUPER fun. We went back the next day. We also have movement class this week and will climb over the weekend again. I probably won’t be getting a membership until the winter time. I just don’t have enough time to mix it with everything I love and get the money out of a membership.
After climbing, I read into the health benefits of the exercise. I felt pretty spent afterwards but I wasn’t sure how many calories I was burning. So I read this article and really liked the information. It’s a good read with lots of info.
Last night I attended American Warrior Ninja Night at a local Parkour Gym called Urban Acrobatics. American Ninja Warrior, if you don’t know, is an obstacle course that uses body weight and momentum to travel across six obstacles. Every time you complete a course, you move on to the next round. No American has ever finished the entire competition. I have been watching AWN for several years and have thought about it quite differently over that time:
3 years ago: Are these people CRAZY?!? Who wants or needs to be able to do that? What a waste of time. Get a life.
2 years ago: I don’t think I could do any of that! These people are nuts.
1 year ago: Hm…..maybe I could do that one but never that one!
This year: I’ve got to find a gym to try this.
So I looked into finding a place to play like a ninja First, I had to figure out what the heck Parkour even was. For a good read about it: Check this out in the New Yorker.
Also, here’s a video of one of most famous Parkour athletes: David Belle.
If you somehow don’t know what American Ninja Warrior is, you can watch highlights and clips from this season HERE.
Now that we’ve covered the background information, let’s get in to the workout!
I found this gym, Urban Acrobatics, by doing a simple Google search for “Ninja Gym Denver”. I saw they had a Tuesday night American Ninja Warrior class so I messaged them on Facebook for the details. Basically, bring your $15, sign a death waiver, and have fun! The gym looked like it had a few obstacles and I figured why not! A few days ago I did some more searching into the gym to see how legit it was. I figured I’d go either way just to get some experience. (My boxing trainer is out of town…..) The more I looked into UA the more nervous I got about attending.
Urban Acrobatics is managed by Lorin Ball, who has competed in every season of American Ninja Warrior. You can watch him from last season HERE. The more I researched the facility and saw videos of what they had and what their athletes could do, the more nervous I got. I thought I was going to make a total fool of myself. I had no idea what I could and couldn’t do. I practice on monkeys bars a lot and know I can do pull ups. My arm and core strength are good but my back and chest need work. I had no idea what I was getting in to. So what do you do when this happens? You invite a friend and make them do it with you. Thanks Thomas!
Breakdown of the night:
Run – We started by going for a short but quick run around the outside of the facility: up stairs, down stairs, hop over railings, jump up the wall and when we got back you climb down the rope wall to get started. I felt good so far! I could keep up and while I didn’t look graceful, I could quickly make it over the objects.
Stretching – This is when we did introductions and stretched out. Pretty typical.
Demonstration – Then the instructors went through the course. At each obstacle they would give tips on how to best do it or alternate ways if you couldn’t get it. You only got two chances on each obstacle before moving on. Here’s what the gym looks like: I’m not going to try and describe lasts night course because it’s almost impossible to imagine but here’s a short breakdown:
Hop from balance beam, swing across the 6 foot gap, climb up the wall, across 3 balance bars, jump to the next landing, walk down the pipe, warp wall, rope descending climb, swing to a tire, box jump, salmon ladder.
Did you get all that? While I’m watching the demonstration I’m thinking, “how can I get out of doing that obstacle?” “There’s no way I can even try that!” “Yeah……right!” BUT, I was here to try. My greatest fear was showing up and looking like a total idiot. I was happy that there were others there trying for their first time. Right away the instructors encouraged everyone to just try their best and asked the veterans to help out the newbies. I really appreciated them accepting us! I didn’t feel judged by anyone, except myself of course.
Practice – We then had time to practice and just play on the obstacles and try to figure them out before our timed run. So I went around and tried all the different obstacles and was surprised at what I could do! I had a pretty good vision of what my abilities were but I surprised myself a few times. Practice was essential for me because I really didn’t know. This was also my favorite part of class because you could get tips from the other members.
Conditioning – After practice, everyone gets a chance to run the course timed. While you’re waiting for your turn, Lorin assigns conditioning exercises. Last nights were: 30 leg lifts, 3 rope climbs, and one minute holds on the rock wall. The 30 leg lifts were easy as I do that exercise all the time. The one minute holds were a little harder. We were only allowed to use one foot but my toes are strong from boxing and my fingers are strong from play piano so I was pretty good at this exercise!
We also had to do rope climbs. I am not awesome at this. I had to use the rope with knots in it because after my run my arms were dead! But I made it to the top just the same. I didn’t have three climbs in me but I did one. By the end of class my arms, forearms, chest and shoulders were sore.
My Run – During class everyone gets a timed run. I was not at all excited about it! I was nervous about everyone watching me! Luckily I went towards the end and lots of members had moved on to their conditioning. Some of the veterans finished the course in under a minute. I was hoping to come out injury free. When It came to my turn, I did the best I could. I failed the first obstacle twice, got the second and third. When I got to the Warp Wall, I already knew I couldn’t reach the top from practice. But I gave it all I had anyway. On my third attempt I finally touched the top! The warp wall is just as hard as it looks even though it’s not nearly as scary as I thought! I was really proud of myself. I had to take the alternate route since I couldn’t pull myself up the wall and then failed the rest of the obstacles. It took me over 5 minutes. BUT I was impressed with myself and pushed myself to try and do new things, so in my mind, I win! Here I am after class trying a few things again. Neither of these videos is as strong as I hoped since I was already pretty spent:
Wow. This post has gone on for much longer than I thought it would………
After class I talked to Lorin about which class/classes would help me most. Since I’ll be doing the Touch Mudder (AHHHH!) in September, I need obstacle training. He was very helpful and gave me a trainers name and number that works for UA. I had a GREAT time and will definitely attend in the future and have lots of friends to bring! I’m already thinking about when I can try that warp wall again!
Moral of the story: I was scared as hell to go to Ninja night. I was scared to try. I was scared to get hurt or fall but I did it anyway. And the result? No injuries and a huge amount of pride! Push yourself to try something new today even if it’s scary!
This Saturday, July 4th 2015, I accomplished my last fitness goal that I set for myself in January. I hiked a 14er and made it to the summit! For those that don’t know, a 14er is a mountain that reaches over 14,000 feet above sea level. Denver, the Mile High City, is 5,280 feet above sea level. Today’s post will consist of some advice for hiking and an account of how it went.
Can I Hike?
Anyone can hike as long as you choose a path that’s right for you. Here’s some things to consider when choosing a path:
1. Distance – Now I know it sounds silly but don’t forget most trails are posted for length one way. Most hikes you double the distance for there AND back. Be really careful here. Just because you can walk 3 miles, doesn’t necessarily mean you can hike three miles. All of the things below will effect how difficult the hike is. When in doubt start small because you can always add distance but you don’t want to get stuck half way down a trail.
2. Altitude – If you will be hiking through an elevation change, there’s lots to consider. I don’t notice much of a difference if the change in altitude is 500 feet or less. Once it’s more than that, my body will notice. The higher the elevation, the less oxygen there is in the air. This makes it harder to breathe and some people even experience altitude sickness. Remember to drink TONS of water and listen to your body. If you’re starting at a higher elevation than you live, give yourself a while to acclimate before starting your hike. Then remember to take lots of breaks on the way up!
3. Expected Weather – Try to prepare for all kinds of weather. I recommend bringing all items in ziplocs and bringing extra for your feet in case of rain. Also, remember to layer your clothes. Every 500 feet up will bring the temperature down 5 degrees. It’s hard to plan for how cool it will be versus how hot you’ll be from hiking. Bring lightweight layers so you can dress appropriately for that part of the hike. Remember sunscreen, sun glasses and bug spray!
4. Topography – I don’t like to track how far I am on a hike because I find it very discouraging. However, I do like to look at the topography of the course before I start. There is usually a sign at the beginning of most trails with this information. I like to look for check points like streams, hills and valleys. That helps me know where I am on the trail without having to think about how much farther it is to go. Every part of the hike will take a different amount of time. A half mile here is not the same as a half mile there so don’t push yourself to make great time because you really can’t compare one to the other.
5. Terrain – Depending on the popularity of your trail, it’s terrain can really vary. An ‘open trail’ hike that no one ever goes on is going to be more like a ‘no trail’ hike. However, a ‘closed trail’ hike can often be much more open and obvious if tons of people have done it. The terrain should help you decide on proper footwear and clothing. The more ‘closed’ a trail, the more hiking you’ll actually be doing versus walking. The more woodsy a trail, the more clothes you’ll want to wear for shade and protection from bugs.
Some popular trails even have message boards where you can see how the trail looked the day before you do it. Don’t be afraid to bring too much stuff you’re first time as long as you can carry the weight. You’ll figure out what you really need the more times you hike.
Hiking Mount Bierstadt
Hiking a 14er (Mountain that reaches 14,000 feet) has been one of my goals since moving to Colorado. However, in January I set it as a goal for this year. After not-so-patiently waiting for the temperature to rise high enough to hike, we set a date to hike Mount Bierstadt on the 4th of July. I really thought it was going to be no big deal. I’ve done a half marathon, so how hard could it be?
Answer: FREAKING HARD
The first mile of Bierstadt isn’t so bad. It’s not much more than walking, step up here, walk across here, small steam here, mud there…….and then it get’s hard. The hike up Bierstadt is a 3 mile hike with 3,000 foot elevation gain. After that first mile, the gain in elevation started to get to me. We had to stop and take breaks A LOT. You feel like you’ve only gone 10 steps since the last time you stopped but then you look back and you’ve made it farther then you thought. You take a minute to catch your breath and then within a few more steps, you’re already huffing and puffing. There’s no training for altitude without practice. I had not had enough practice.
When you train for physical goals, it gives you a bottom to refer to. You’re thinking, “I can make it, it doesn’t suck as bad as that one time.” But when you haven’t trained, sometimes the event IS your bottom. I hit bottom during the second mile. There was a point where I didn’t really know if I could do it. I wouldn’t let myself give up or turn back but I really really really wanted to. The last stretch of Bierstadt is all boulders that you have to figure out for yourself. There’s no trail at this point but you can tell where to go because you’re almost to the top. This was actually the most fun part.
And then you make it to the top. There were 20-30 people at the summit when we arrived and lots of dogs. Everyone is celebrating what they’ve just done and taking pictures. It’s kind of fun to celebrate with everyone! AND THE VIEW!
I have never been anywhere so beautiful in my entire life! The hike was so hard but so worth it. Where else can you see and do this on a Saturday for fun? I love where I live!
If you’re hoping to read today’s post and find out that it’s ok and healthy to drink a bacon milkshake, you’re clearly visiting for the first time. And clearly delusional. Welcome!
Now that I have met my goal weight, it is very easy to make poor eating decisions. I find myself ‘excusing’ a lot of bad choices because of my balance of fitness. While I never ‘fall off the wagon’ with my eating, there are definitely days where I could do better.
This weekend I was trying to make better and healthier decisions. Since it’s summer, my eating schedule is all wonky and I find myself eating fast food way more than usual. While I still feel like I make the best choice in that restaurant, I’d like to cut back. But there are SO MANY bad choices out there that it’s really hard. I know a lot of you are facing the same decisions.
Some decisions are easy for me: full size burger or jr. size, Large fry or small fry. Other decisions are harder: chili cheese fries? Lemonade???? (I said no to both) but this weekend at two different restaurants, I could not believe what they were serving. This whole bacon thing has gotten WAY out of hand. Do we need bacon on EVERYTHING?
Really Which Which? Now I love Which Which because they have lots of healthy options and you can get tons of different things. But……REALLY? Not only is this a BACON MILKSHAKE but the advertisement reads: Heaven Sent. Why? Because after you’re addicted to these you will be sent to heaven. I tried to find the nutritional information for this shake. I almost got a small strawberry shake there this weekend thinking it would be fine. I had already boxed for two hours that day. Now I’m so glad I didn’t! While I couldn’t find the info for the bacon shake, I did for the oreo shake, which I figured was just as deadly. A small oreo shake: 930 CALORIES. In a small. Yikes.
OMG ARBYS – Every once in a while, I love me some roast beef. So we headed to Arby’s where I usually will get a Jr. Cheddar and a small fry. It comes out to 480 calories and plenty of fat and gross additives. The sandwich pictured above has 600 calories, 28 grams of fat, and 860 mg of sodium. That’s with no fries or drink added. And it’s an entire sandwich of bacon. GROSS. I beg to differ Arbys, you CAN have too much bacon.
While some choices are still hard when I know my fitness will more than balance my intake, it’s NOT hard for me to say “NO!” to the above advertisements. Shame on you Which Which and Arbys. Shame!
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if these restaurants were encouraging us to eat healthier and more natural foods? More on that later…..
Often when I tell people I’m in boxing training, they think I’m doing kickboxing. Here’s what they envision:
While I actually like these types of classes, this is not what I’ve been doing. Kickboxing classes definitely have their place and are great calorie burners. I enjoyed them a lot when I was working on my endurance and agility.
Last night I was lucky enough to have TWO private sessions with my trainer but I was even luckier to have a friend at the gym who could take some video. I get photos of me boxing pretty frequently but I’ve never seen videos of myself. In a way I didn’t really want to watch them. But after I did, I really wanted to share them! I think I’m looking pretty good! It’s always hard to box and try to think about what you look like because you’re doing so many other things.
Here’s all the things I’m thinking about controlling in these videos:
1. Footwork
2. Stance
3. Forehead down
4. No eye contact
5. Full extension on my jab
6. Pivot Right hand
7. Pivot left hook
8. Proper placement
9. Proper speed
10. Proper power
11. Breathe
12. Cover your face
13. Slip
14. Don’t get hit
15. I hate Jameson
I’m sure there’s more that I forgot. But it’s the combination of every part working together that makes boxing what it is. Hope you enjoy!
We have been expecting this to happen for sometime now and in certain age groups, it has. And I can’t believe how sad it is.
Now that I’ve ‘finished’ my weightloss journey, I continually have mixed feelings about it. It’s weird the emotional issues that still arise. But today I want to focus on the physical changes of losing weight, and forget about the mental ones. Physically, I consider my fitness journey complete. I am more than happy with my body’s image and abilities. I can do nearly everything I’ve ever wanted to do. I still set goals and find it fun to see how much farther I can push my body. Even though I haven’t stopped, I feel I’ve crossed the finish line physically.
The difference in what my body can do now is amazing. I’m not posting this to brag or seek compliments but to inspire those that are trying to start. When I was obese, the list of things that would exhaust me for the day was extensive: helping a friend move, doing laundry all day up two flights of stairs, shopping at multiple stores ……basically life was exhausting. Now I run around all day and do a million things and then still go to the gym. My energy level and ability to get things done is SO much higher.
I no longer worry about where my body can fit. I don’t spend an ounce of energy on chairs, restaurant seats, shopping aisles or public transport. I never worry about how far I park from the store or walking to meet up with a friend. I am going to a wedding shower this weekend and don’t have to worry about being ‘the fat friend’. I just fit in.
If anyone that is morbidly obese like I was could walk in my shoes for a day, they’d lose the weight. If anyone could feel the back-to-back difference of being morbidly obese to healthy weight, it would be all the motivation they needed. But, it’s the gradual decrease in weight and the very slow increase of fitness that derails most people in the dieting process. DON’T STOP.
Today’s post feels a little wander-y but my point is: IT’S TIME. It’s time to do something about it. Look around you and how your weight is effecting every part of your life. You’ve been telling yourself that it isn’t but take a good look. Today. Keep a list of all the things you change throughout your day because of your weight. Make a list of all the people you’re doing it for. Today is the day. Do it. NOW.
On a weight loss journey, a lot of emotional issues may arise that you haven’t noticed before. While your emotions adjust, it can expose a lot of things. Even now that I’ve lost the weight, I continually struggle with the mental side. I’m going to go back and write about a problem I was having this past winter. At the time, I was too embarrassed about it to write about it publicly or properly. Now I think is the right time.
In October/November of 2014, I was experiencing what I called ‘Rage Outs’. Most of you might think you know what I’m talking about. Most women have less control over their emotions during ‘that time’ but this was much much worse. They usually happened at the gym, strangely enough, and on rare occasion at home. Something would happen that was out of my control. That was usually the trigger. When I’m not in control, I tend to freak out. But this would be over little, seemingly insignificant things. All of the sudden, I could feel my brain go red. I could see and feel myself getting so mad that I felt ‘out of my body.’ I know the ladies know the feeling when you can see and hear yourself being ridiculous, but you can’t do anything about it.
The ‘Rage Outs’ got way worse than just PMS. I would be OUT OF CONTROL. I would hit things, throw things, scream inside till I couldn’t breathe, want to hurt myself or someone else. They would usually last about 15 minutes and then I would be exhausted but clear-minded. It was like I was two people: The Hulk and Bruce Banner and one couldn’t control the other. At first I only got them every two or three weeks. Then I was having them every week. I was embarrassed to talk to my friends and family about it so I tried a couple different things that I thought would work. First I tried just separating myself from everyone when I was about to go red. This didn’t really help. It helped me not do it publicly, but the length and frequency didn’t decrease.
I decided something must be missing that used to fill me emotionally. This year I switched from being a music teacher to being a drama teacher. While I LOVE my job, I was really missing the music. I missed playing the piano and singing all day long. So I thought maybe I was missing my creative outlet. I asked Santa for a piano for Christmas thinking it would allow me to fill that creative hole. As soon as we got the piano I printed out all my favorite songs and played for hours. I made sure to play almost everyday for a little while. At first, I thought it was working. I went an extra week without having a rage out. However, come January, it started all over again just like before. The piano wasn’t working either.
And then it happened. The Rage Out that scared me to death. Dan and I were having a fight. I can’t recall what it was about but I’m pretty sure it was about dinner or doing the dishes. I ‘raged out’ quicker than I could control or even feel it. 0 to Hulk in 2 seconds flat. There was no time to separate myself or pause the fight before I’d already lost it. I took a swing at my own husband. I’ve never ever hit him or really even wanted to. But that night I did. Even though I didn’t hit him and caught myself at the last second, I was so embarrassed. Without any discussion, I grabbed my running shoes and headed for the park. I ran two crying, yelling, furious miles before I cooled down. When I got back home, I finally admitted what had been going on and that I didn’t know what to do.
Sometimes I think the universe or God or whatever you believe is in control knows better than you do. In January, the gym I was at got a new boxing trainer, Jameson Bostic. After our first or second class together, Jameson approached me about private training sessions. I’d never thought about taking boxing as my main fitness activity. I just liked mixing it in with everything else. I felt like I was a fighter on the inside or maybe in a past life because boxing was my favorite class all week. I was hoping that taking private sessions would help my rage outs and the hubby agreed we should give it a try.
And it worked.
Ever since my first private training session, I haven’t experienced a Rage Out. In the first month of training I could feel my mind try to take me to red but I had the control to bring myself back down before going off the edge. Now I don’t even feel myself getting to that place anymore. I think it’s for a few reasons. Boxing everyday, or close to it, gives me time when it’s ok to be out of control. It’s ok to get mad and punch and yell. If you don’t give it enough sass then you’re called a sissy and sent back to your spot. It gives me time to dig out that fighter side of me and let it loose. I was worried that boxing so often would make me want to box in my real life, like it would be the solution to any problem, but the opposite has happened. Because I do get that time to be out of control, I’m able to control my emotions outside of the ring so much better.
While it is still embarrassing to write about such a lack of control over my emotions, I’m hoping there’s someone out there that’s experienced the same thing. You CAN control your rage without medication or therapy. Try fitness!
I’ve now been taking private and semi-private boxing lessons for 6 months with Jameson Bostic and DaVarryl Williamson at PunchDenverBoxing. (Like them on Facebook Here!) I haven’t been writing about it much since my focus has been running. But I can absolutely, 100%, without-a-doubt say that I love it! Every athlete has a preferred sport and mine is definitely boxing. When I say that I’m in boxing training, people think that I’m doing kickboxing. This is not the case. There’s no Tae-bo or jump kicks. There’s no booty shaking or dance cardio mix. There’s only perfect technique and training. While running comes in a close second, my heart and mind are always excited to walk in to the boxing gym. You can read all about the health benefits of boxing: here. But I have to say, that’s only a small part of the reason why I love it.
Boxing classes go faster than any other type of class I’ve taken. At my gym, PunchDenverBoxing at Touch ‘Em Up, they hold semi-private sessions every night. A few times a week I also get a private lesson from my trainer, Jameson Bostic. Whether I’m working with a small group or by myself, the hour goes so quickly. Most of the time it goes so fast that I stay for a second class :). We start with exercises such as: running, pull ups, push ups, agility work, tricep dips, ab wheels, hula hooping and always plenty of sit ups. Each night is a little different. Sometimes we flip tires or do box jumps. It just depends on the night and the abilities of the group. Then we get into the punching. We usually work long combinations with mitts but sometimes do bag work or speed drills. No matter what, there’s always something to be doing or working on. There’s never time to just stand around and catch your breath. But after almost six months now, I feel very strong at boxing and can see how it’s bled over into my everyday life. Here’s my top four reasons for loving boxing:
1. I’m never perfect
In boxing there are so many things to think about: Block your face, elbows in, full extension, foot work, pivot, height……..My gym wants it perfect, every time. At first boxing made me feel totally inadequate. Today my punches aren’t fast enough, yesterday they were too high, tomorrow the will probably be too low. It’s hard for me not to be perfect. It’s hard to realize that even when you’re trying 150%, sometimes your body just can’t do what you’re telling it to do. But when you’re arms are tired and you’ve done this same combination 10 times already, hearing “Perfect” from your trainer is all worth it. When you hear the sound a good right hand makes on a mitt, you want to hear it over and over. Boxing teaches me that I can’t always be perfect. Things can go wrong at the last second but with training you can figure out how to improve on the mistake that you’ve made.
2. More than just punching
I also love that it isn’t just about punching. When using proper technique, boxing exercises your whole body. It takes a ton of control to punch with accuracy. There’s footwork, breathing, stance and eye contact to think about all outside of the punch you’re about to throw. Then there is the combination to remember and which punch to throw when. It’s an accumulation of so many muscles working together that the punch is just a small part of the equation.
3. Mind Control
It’s really hard to hear “Nope”, “Not good enough”, “How many times have I told you” and so on from your coach. Really hard. But it’s worth it to keep going to get the one “Perfect”. I like being motivated through yelling and being held to a standard no matter what. I don’t want a coach who accepts my ‘good enough’ attitude when I give it. I need to be pushed. Because I get this mental practice at the gym, I find it happens in my everyday life at work and at home. Some people might think that training to be a fighter makes you a fighter all the time. I’ve found the opposite to be true. Throughout the day I’m calmer. It’s easier for me to step outside a situation and see it for what it really is. My demeanor is overall calmer and less stressed because of boxing.
4. It’s freaking fun
Boxing makes you feel tough! I now walk around at night with no worries. I know that if a situation gets out of control, I can defend myself. Boxing is just fun! It’s fun for me to see a grown man wince from my punch in the ring. It’s awesome to get the loudest right hand of the night. It’s fun to watch fights on TV or live and actually know what’s going on. Boxing is the most fun sport I’ve ever done and I can see myself doing it for quite some time!
Sorry for the lapse in posts but…..I haven’t felt like posting about anything. I’m feeling very lost and confused the past few weeks and I’ve been trying to sort it out all while finishing the school year. I’ve been in a funk every since finishing the race and I think I’ve narrowed down my problem to: Post Race Depression.
Post Race Depression
Post race depression is a real thing. After my first 5K, I felt like I could do anything. Each race after that has not been the same high. All through my training for the half marathon, I thought about what is was going to feel like to cross the finish line. I thought I would cry my eyes out. I thought I might collapse in an emotional mess. But….neither happened. I was overjoyed to cross the line but not because it felt like a huge milestone, because it meant the race was over! I already knew I could finish the race and had no doubts about crossing the line. I’d already run that distance and several other distances that I never thought I could do. So, even though I felt awesome and superhuman that day, it was also a relief to have it over with. And now I’m struggling.
I was thinking about training or actually training for the half marathon since around February. So for 4 months, that’s all I thought about. While I was continuing with boxing training, running came first. I had to watch what I did at boxing so it didn’t affect my running. I would even stay at the gym for double classes to keep my endurance up for the race. I would think about running when I got up and all through the day. When something stressed my out at work, I would store it away for when I ran. When I needed a minute to calm myself, I thought about running in the cool breeze on mile 8. It’s been both motivating and calming me for the few months.
And now the race is over.
I’ve run several times since the race but often find that I don’t really care or like it. Since there’s no long term goal, it’s harder to push myself. My pacing has stayed the same and the run still feels good but…..it feels like there’s no point. I DO NOT want to train for a full marathon so I feel like I’ve already met all my goals with running. I do have other small goals like running longer intervals and breaking the 30 minute mark in a 5K but these feel so attainable that they don’t really feel like goals anymore.
Every goal I have taken on with my health and fitness has felt insurmountable until I’ve done it. Losing 145 pounds? Done. 5 pull ups? Done. Running a 5K without stopping? Done. Running a half marathon? Done. Feeling fit? Done. Feeling like I fit in at the gym? Done. Wearing size 6 jeans? Done. Posting a freaking picture of me in a bathing suit? Done. Feeling beautiful and confident most of the time? Done. Maintaining my weight? Done.
So what do I do now? Every goal I can think to set feels attainable now. There’s very little that I can’t make my body and mind do. My body responds to whatever task I give it. It’s not that I’m trying to say that I’m so awesome and anything is easy now. It’s not. But I now have so much confidence in my ability as an athlete that any goal seems attainable. While this would bring a high to some people, I get the high after the accomplishment. Knowing that I could do anything isn’t enough for me.
Last week, after the half marathon, I REALLY wanted to get in a hot tub. I quickly realized I have no friends with a hot tub and I’m too cheap to pay to go anywhere. Then I realized, even if I knew someone, I didn’t have a swimming suit. The last time I bought a swimming suit was last June maybe. That was 4 pants sizes ago and probably 20 to 30 pounds. Needless to say, when I tried on my old suit, it wouldn’t hardly stay on my body.
So it’s that time again; the time every woman hates. I have to go swimsuit shopping. I have to admit that I was actually really excited about it. I haven’t tried on swimsuits since I was a kid. In my fat days, I would just order one and hope for the best. Since I rarely had to wear it around people, it didn’t really matter how it fit or what it looked like.
But now I have a body that I actually kind of like. Note the: kind of attached to that sentence. A lot of people don’t really get it. Yes I lost a ton of weight. Yes my pants are 1/4 the size that they used to be. Yes I feel awesome and confident about myself. But, that doesn’t mean that I’m happy with how my body looks. I’ve worked really hard to look how I do but there are some things that hard work is never going to change. My skin will always be loose. My stomach will never be flat or a six pack. My body will never look like a fitness model but it’s my own damn fault.
In some ways I’ve accepted it. I no longer care about changing my shirt at the gym or wearing more revealing clothing. I wear tank tops again and shorts even though it shows my loose skin. I’ve come to accept it in some places. In some ways I don’t care at all and figure it’s other people’s problem if they don’t like it. But no one really understands it. It’s hard to find anyone who knows what it’s like to lose 50% of their body. It’s hard to put in so much work and not feel like my body looks much better. It’s hard to carry around the loose sack of who you used to be.
But it’s time to put that to rest. I’m trying to care less, but it’s hard. Someday I’ll have skin surgery but I still won’t look perfect. I’ll forever carry around who I used to be. It’s hard to realize that no matter how fit I stay for the rest of my life, there will always have been a morbidly obese version of me. Some people will always know what I used to look like. Other people only know me now and can’t imagine what that was like.
I have no before and after swim suit shot. I don’t think a photo of me exists in my swim suit before. I think today I might have taken the only ones that exist! But here goes. I’m going to post a photo of myself in a bathing suit! I didn’t buy it because I didn’t like how it fit. I even tried on a bikini just because I could. Those photos I’ll keep for myself. Here’s my purpose in posting this photo: My body isn’t perfect. Even after meeting all of my fitness and health goals, there are still things I want to change. There are other things that will never change. But I’ll continue to love myself, push myself and try to accept the body that I have.