If you follow my personal Facebook page, you already know the outcome of my fight. I lost. Totally lost. But there were so many other victories along the way that I’m trying to focus on all the positive outcomes of this week and all the things I learned.
The Fight
The actual fight was harder than I thought it would be. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was matched with someone with a lot more experience than me. But that’s how the tournament works. You face who you face and that’s all that matters. It’s hard to write about it. Parts of being in the ring still feel like a dream. The schedule was so full that everything was rushed. It felt like I didn’t have one second to prepare myself. I remember turning to Jameson and saying, “Is it really right now?” and then the bell went off. In some ways I remember every moment of the fight. In other ways, I don’t at all. I’ve watched the video now but I still haven’t matched my memory to what actually happened.
Right Afterward
I made it three rounds. It felt awful. I had lost. I bled. I had failed. It felt horrible. Even now I can feel the exact moment I lost and knowing I’d lost. And I’d done it in front of some many people that I know and love. I’d failed everyone. It feels awful to lose and I’d never felt it quite like that before. I cried. That’s pretty much how I felt the whole rest of the night. And then I ate some cookies.
The Next Morning
The next morning I felt a little relief about it. I found out how much experience that girl had had. I was trying not to beat myself up about it. Everyone was sending messages of support and love. I didn’t look at any of the photos or videos because I just didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to see the concrete evidence of her beating me. Besides, I had to go to the fights again that night. It was time to focus on them winning and not me losing. Everyone was telling me how good I did, even strangers, but on the inside I felt like I just stood there and let her punch me. I was still pretty pity party on the inside but doing the best I could. That night one of my fellow fighters won his class. it was awesome to be there and see it and be a small part of it. Right after his fight, my opponent went on to win as well. So I had lost, but I had lost to the champion. It would have been ASTONISHING if I had beaten her. Also, my coach and I had a discussion about if I’m fighting in the right weight class or not. More on that later…..
Today
Today is Sunday, a day I’ve been waiting for. I knew the Golden Gloves would be over today, either way. I knew today I could spend with my husband and eating FOOD for the first time in a while. And today I feel really good about losing. I used to say things like “I could never get in the ring” “I could never fight” and yet I did. That’s a victory in itself. My real goal all along was to box in the ring and that’s what I did. Somewhere along the way everything turned to wanting to win because I knew I could. After I watched the fight today, I do see that I made mistakes and there are places that I could have made the fight more even, but it was my first fight. Everyone’s already asking if I’m going to fight again and I don’t have an answer for that yet but stay tuned!
Today I know that I’m a fighter. I’m a registered USA boxer and I’ve completed my first amateur bout in the Colorado Golden Gloves. But I’m more than even just that now. As soon as 1 year ago, the fear of getting in the ring would have crippled me. I don’t mean that if you’re scared to get in the ring, you’re not strong. I mean that the fear of actually doing it would have stopped me from even trying in the past. The anxiety of the day, the stress leading up to it, the juggling of some many things, in the past it would have stopped me. But instead I fought. Literally and figuratively. I fought for what I wanted and won even if I didn’t win my first fight.
🙂