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August 22, 2014August 22, 2014

Thrift It!

As you begin losing weight, you will obviously need to buy new clothes. If you are looking to lose a lot of weight, you could go through tons of sizes. I went from size 24 to size 12. As a teacher, I could not afford to buy a new wardrobe every month and a half. I’m not sure who could. Throughout my entire journey, I shopped exclusively at thrift stores. With the exception of a Goal Dress or an interview outfit, I rarely purchase new clothes. I’m very cheap and want to spend as little as possible on clothes.

Here’s some tips for shopping at thrift stores:

Sales! Sales! Sales!

Most thrift stores will run sales on certain Saturdays. You might think that $3.99 is fine for a top, but on half price Saturday that shirt is $2! My local thrift store, ARC, does half price every Saturday. They often run 99 cent sales as well where I really stock up.

Sizes

I buy things that don’t exactly fit all the time. If pants are a little tight, get them anyway because they will fit in a few weeks. If you find a top that you love but is a little tight in the tummy, buy it anyway. You’ll see that different brands fit you differently. Sometimes size 16 is not the same in two different brands. Blame the clothes and not your body!

What You Can’t Find

Some things I never find or buy at thrift stores. I NEVER buy underwear or bras because I think it’s gross. If you’re up for it, I guess go for it. I struggled with underwear for a long time before finding some I really like. I also have a hard time finding clothes for the gym. By the time people get rid of workout pants, they are usually stretched out and pilling. Workout tops are usually ubiquitous.

Brands

Another reason for thrifting is being able to try on hundreds of brands in one store. Now that I am almost to goal weight, I’ve been looking for favorite brands of wardrobe stables like jeans, dress pants and tops for work.

August 19, 2014

Helping Others

Today I found myself saddened by the state of a collegue I hadn’t seen in maybe 6 months. He is an awesome teacher and a wealth of knowledge. We could all learn things from this man which is why he was a presenter today. I am going to leave out his name just in case he ever runs across this……….

It was pretty clear to me that he had gained quite a bit of weight on top of already being obese. We started with an activity called Peach Pit. You stand in a circle and each person shares a peach (good thing) and a pit (bad thing) about your summer. Since there was about 35 of us, the activity took quite a while. 5 minutes in my collegue had to sit down. I got tired of standing after about 20 minutes but no one else ever had to sit down. While he was presenting, I could hear him getting short of breath from standing and walking during his presentation. It made me very sad. I want to reach out to him. He heard me announce that my peach was getting so close to my goal weight over the summer and keeping up my fitness routine. I was hoping he would ask me questions about how I did it. I was hoping he would ask for advice. But he did not.

I’m worried about him. He’s clearly on a path that will lead to an early death. This man is such a gift to our profession and has so many wonderful things ahead of him even though I’d guess him to be in his 50s. I know what people see when they look at him. It’s the same things I used to think about myself. How is this guy going to help me if he can’t help himself? How good of a teacher can he be if he loses his breath during the lesson? Neither of these things are true but I know they were thought during the presentation today.

So what am I going to do? Nothing. I can’t make any choices for him. I don’t want to make him feel even worse than he must. But, what I can do is share my journey with him. I’m going to stay in contact with him and update him on my status. I’m hoping that the story of my success will make him consider doing something for himself. Maybe he will but maybe he won’t. I can guarantee that every morbidly obese person you meet has at least THOUGHT about losing the weight and what it would be like to be healthy. You can’t make the choice for anyone else or motivate anyone to start. BUT maybe the knowledge that it CAN be done might inspire him to try.

August 15, 2014March 29, 2015

Changes Are Coming

Hey guys, today will be my last DAILY post for a while. I’m hoping to keep posting twice a week but I will be going back to teaching full time starting Monday. With it brings a lot of anxiety for me. I, of course, am very anxious to meet the kids and am unsure how the year will go. I’m also anxious about getting back into a routine for eating.

I have to say, I thought I would do much worse over the summer. I’ve lost 12 pounds over the summer but my real goal was to hopefully not gain! At the start of summer I was really nervous about not having an eating schedule and being stuck in the house. Of course my eating schedule varied from day to day but I made sure to stay active throughout the summer. With so many birthday parties, cook outs and events, it was often hard to stay true. BUT I proved to myself that I could do it. While I was hoping to be at my optimal goal weight by the start of school, I don’t think that was ever realistic. My weight loss has slowed A LOT since the beginning and it’s true that the last pounds are the hardest by far.

I am excited to get back into an eating schedule. I’m a very orderly person and like having a schedule. It’s hard for me in the summer to be motivated to do my regular ‘stuff’ when I have all the time in the world to get it done. School provides an easy eating schedule as I can only eat at my designated times. I’ve already scheduled out when my snacks and meals will be in my day. Even though I’m sad that summer has come to an end, I’m happy to have the stability of school back. Have you set an eating schedule for yourself? Do you work in both snacks and meals during the day? Take a look at when and how you’re eating and try to make just one easy change a day!

August 14, 2014March 29, 2015

Shopping Sucks

Shopping is awful. There are parts that I love and parts that I absolutely hate. It is awesome to get smaller and smaller but it’s so hard to say goodbye to your favorite clothes over and over again. Eventually, I had to go into stores and figure out how to put things on my body.

My whole adult life I’ve only shopped at plus size stores. These stores seem to have the same styles over and over in several colors. I tended to buy the same shirt in several colors. I would basically buy anything that looked pretty good. You don’t get many choices in plus size stores. So when it came time to start shopping in a new store, I didn’t even know where to go. Are there only certain stores that I should go to? Which ones are for teenagers? Which ones are for old ladies? I asked my friends where to go and would check out the clientele before walking in to a new store. If it felt weird, I left.

I used to get anxious shopping at my heaviest weight too. I wasn’t ever sure things would fit or they would carry my size. I still feel that way. I still don’t know what will fit and what won’t. When I pick something up in the store, I have no idea if it’s the right size. Certain stores are easier to shop than others. If you’re getting frustrated or depressed, just leave. Don’t let cotton fibers change your mood. Some stores size by inches which totally threw me off. When I was recently shopping at H&M, I almost started crying. They size their jeans by inches. I have no idea how many inches I am and when I hold them up, I still don’t know if they will fit. I know lots of people that love this store but I can never figure it out. Nothing seems to fit me right and I can’t say I’ve ever purchased anything but hair accessories. I just can’t crack the code so I just don’t go there.

So moral of the story. Shopping sucks when losing weight but most places require you to not be naked. If a store doesn’t feel right, go to a different one. If shopping brings you to tears, use your oversized shirt to mop them up and try again another day.

August 13, 2014

Men Suck

As I began losing weight, one of the biggest changes I noticed with strangers was how men reacted to me. As a morbidly obese person, you’re not normally attractive to most of the general public. I know that some men found me beautiful regardless of my size. I’ve always been confident and considered myself pretty. Men, on rare occasion, would stare at me from across the room or open a door for me, but it was rare.

After losing the weight, men now look at me all the time. Men flirt with me in obvious ways, sometimes even in front of my husband. The point of this is not to brag but propose the question, wasn’t I just as beautiful before?

At times it actually made me mad to have men look at me. The same men wouldn’t have glanced at me in the past! I made the same amount of money, have the same hair, drive the same car and have the same personality. The only difference is how my body looks. However at the same time, doesn’t the problem lie in society not just these men? Society has taught them what is beautiful and attractive. These men are just following the social norm.

The absolute truth is: the world is made for healthy and active people to be successful. It is not made for morbidly obese people. This is a fundamental issue within our society that gawking men, although rude, can’t be blamed for. Physical beauty comes befor all else when we encounter a stranger. All of us judge based on image whether we want to admit it or not. Your outside physical appearance gives a ‘snapshot’ to strangers of who you are. While I don’t agree with this judgement, it’s built in to our society.

Today, challenge yourself to not judge based on first impression of physical appearance!

August 11, 2014

Time Will Pass Anyway

I feel like this has been my inspiration and motivation through my entire journey: TIME. Everyone wants more time: More time to sleep, more time to spend with family, more hours in the day. But how many of us are making choices every day that could takes days, weeks, months or even years off our life?

I want as much time on this Earth with my loved ones as I can get! That is why I’ve dedicated so much of my time now for time in the future. It’s true that exercising and dieting do take time but how much time will you be rewarded with in the future? I stumbled across this quote and used it to motivate me for the last 15 months:

I love this quote because it’s so true. I could have chose to not do anything about my health for this last year. I could have remained exactly the same but I chose not to. I had always dreamed of dropping a bunch of weight over the summer. How cool would it be to show up 40 pounds lighter and surprise my students and coworkers? This time I finally did it. THE TIME WILL PASS ANYWAY, WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH IT?

Over the past year, I watched a lot of people stay the same. Stay unhappy with their weight, job, home, relationship or even education. I was definitely one of these people in the past. I would mention wanting to lose weight but never tried or gave up quickly. I’ve met a lot of both happy and unhappy people in the past year. What was the biggest difference between the two? The happy people chose to get there and do whatever work needed to be done to get there. People discuss losing weight with me all the time but I rarely see those people then make healthy choices in front of me. I know I can’t start someones journey for them or control anyone else. BUT I just want to help. I want them to get to experience what I’ve experienced in this past year. I wish everyone could feel how I feel.

So here’s my challenge for you: pick one area of your life to change and JUST DO IT. (Thanks Nike) The time will pass anyway and you can choose to change or remain the same. Trust me. You’ll be a lot happier with yourself looking back if you do something now.

August 10, 2014

Self Image

Today I’m thinking about a difficult subject: self image. When you go though a drastic change like I did not only do you change on the outside, but how you see yourself from the inside changes as well.

I always thought my self image was healthy when I was at 290 pounds. I thought I was pretty and was generally fine with how I looked. I was not in denial about my size or that I was overweight. But as I got healthier I saw how bad myself image really was. I’ve always loved myself and found success in life but my thoughts were often dark. If someone saw me eating Taco Bell in my car, I’d just assumed they thought how fat and gross I was. Who knew what they were really thinking, but that is what I assumed. When a thin girl would make eyes at my husband and then look at me, I always thought she was thinking, how did such a cute guy end up with such a fat girl? I knew I was overweight and felt like there was a thinner person trapped in my body sometimes. When I would see pictures of myself, I would think I was huge but that’s not really me. What I expected to see in the mirror was never what I saw because that’s never how I felt inside.

As I started to drop weight, I still struggled with my self image. All of the sudden how I felt inside is what I looked like on the outside. While this was very excited it was scary at the same time. People started treating me differently, especially men. It was hard to start wearing clothes that actually showed my body (skinny jeans!) that I thought I’d been hiding for so long. It made me feel very vulnerable to ‘reveal’ my body even though people could see it the whole time. What if someone made a snide comment or laughed? (This never happened) For me, my self image was linked to my outer image during this time. I loved being flirted with or people commenting how good I looked at work.

Now that I’m almost to healthy weight, I feel like my self image is not as linked to my outer image. I have found that I’m happy with the person I’ve become on the inside. If someone sees me eating Taco Bell in the car, now I think “I worked for this taco! Maybe YOU should get to the gym!” I still don’t really know what I look like on the outside. Some mornings I wake up and think I’m still morbidly obese and then I remember. Even this morning I went to put on my skinny jeans and thought, “There’s no way these are going to fit!” and yet they do. I think my self image and outer image have almost caught up with each other. I’ve been doing a lot of studying about diet, the evolution of eating, self image issues with women and find it helpful to understand the underlying issues with our society that are effecting us all.

August 8, 2014March 29, 2015

CNN iReport

Hey Everyone! I just uploaded my weight loss story on CNN.com. Be sure you check it out!

The Real Deal

August 8, 2014

Awesome Moms

Sometimes I feel very fortunate that I have so much time to focus on my own goals. I know a lot of you have kids and struggle to balance both. I would never claim to know what that’s like! However, I do know that there are mothers out there killing it! It can be done.

My sister is a stay at home mom and home schools her children. All my life I’ve envied her for being built like our father. She’s tall, thin and beautiful! I just always assumed she was naturally this way. However, now that fitness and health are more a part of our conversations, I realize she works hard to look how she does. From what I know, she’s never struggled too much with her weight. However she does work to maintain how she looks. She does crossfit videos, stays active with her kids, runs and takes care of the house and kids. Amazing!

My friend at work, Nikki has a four year old boy. She joined me on my journey this past school year to get healthier. At first it was difficult for her to find the time to add fitness into her routine. I know she experienced a lot of guilt for taking the time away from the family. However, as she dedicated some time here and there, she found she had even more to give to her family when she got home to them. She also found ways to incorporate her family into workouts such as playing at the park or dance parties. She’s now a short distance runner and adding years to her life with her family.

When I look back at my childhood, I don’t think it was too active or health focused. (sorry Mom!) I watched my mom yo-yo diet and exercise and be self-conscious about her appearance. We ate at mostly at home and had our own garden. Where I struggled was balance. No one taught me it’s ok to have a milkshake if ____________ or desserts are for _________. These were lessons I had to learn that hard way. In the recent past, I’ve noticed some super moms out in public. Recently I was walking my dog in the park in the morning. I came across a Mom pushing one kid in a stroller and another was walking. As I passed she said, “Ok. Let’s race to the dumpster down there and the we will go have lunch.” They ran the whole way laughing and racing. I thought to myself, not only is she incorporating her children into her workout, she’s teaching them that exercise comes hand in hand with eating. Several months ago I saw a mom at IKEA that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. During this time I was really struggling with answering the question, why am I fat? So I’d already been thinking about my childhood and my models for health. She had two kids with her, a boy and a girl. At our IKEA they have a super cool escalator/moving sidewalk thing. The mom and girl headed for the stairs while the boy headed for the escalator. The mom said, “Remember we have to use the stairs if you want to have ice cream.” The boy thought about it and then chose the escalator. When he got to the bottom, his sister was teasing him that he couldn’t have ice cream. Even though it wasn’t obvious or explained, that mom was teaching her kids balanced eating.

So, to wrap up, I don’t know how mom’s do it but it CAN be done. Go for it moms! Think about what you’ll be giving back to your children by getting yourself in a healthy state!

August 6, 2014

When The Scale Goes Up

This morning I woke up and got on the scale like normal. I was shocked to see a two pound gain! Today I’m going to share what goes through my head when this happens and then what logical thoughts are!

Yesterday I was unable to get to the gym for my usual boxing class so I had been super careful on my calories since I wouldn’t be burning as many. Therefore I expected to see a consistent number from the day before. When I saw two pounds up I was heartbroken. EVEN AFTER 14 MONTHS OF DIETING, I still have to talk myself off the ledge when this happens.

Kim’s Brain

Kim’s brain can be a very confusing and scary place. When I see unexpected weight gain, my first thought is “How can I get rid of this?” Although I’ve been ‘dieting’ and retraining my body and mind of over a year now, my first thoughts are still unhealthy. I have a very addictive personality and have struggled with eating disorders in the past. I often get disappointed in myself that this is the first place my brain goes but I’m starting to realize that maybe that’s just who I am. As long as I’m not acting on those thoughts, I’ve still made a healthy decision. Those demons may never totally go away but they seem quieter these days. So what does Kim’s brain say? Missing the gym one time equals gaining two pounds! Do 6 hours of cardio today, go buy water pills, eat less today or skip a meal. None of these are healthy choices!

Logical Brain

Now, as I’m standing on the scale thinking what might of happened and all these unhealthy thoughts enter my brain, I have to talk myself off the ledge. My logical brain knows why this probably happened. You can be PERFECT with your calories and see the scale go up a little. You never know what’s going on inside your body. Maybe it needed something that it usually doesn’t. Maybe you drank less water or are retaining water. The point is that weight fluxuates according to each person. I know, for myself, my weight is consistent if I weigh myself at the same time of day everyday. Some people might not experience this. Maybe only count official weight loss on a certain day of the week.

Victory

One of my biggest issues with seeing the scale go up is letting it effect my whole day. Your confidence and attitude can not be linked to the scale or you will be unhappy your entire journey. I am always having to remind myself how to measure failure. Is two pounds gained a failure? I guess it depends. Gaining two pounds when I made all good decisions the day before is not a failure. Gaining two pounds because I ate a whole pizza and a 2 liter of soda is a failure, but only for that day. Waking up at my heaviest weight ever is a failure, not just one morning.