Off Track……

Ever since the holidays, starting a few weeks before Christmas until now, I feel like I just can’t quite get it back.

In September, I hit my goal weight.  Ever since then even…..I feel like I’m just not quite figuring it out.   September, October and even most of November I was struggling.  Once I hit my goal weight, I had trouble not losing more weight for about 6 weeks.  Then, I finally figured out how to eat based on my amount of exercise and maintain the same number on the scale.  This lasted for about a month and then the holidays hit………

While I don’t feel like I ‘fell off the wagon’ these past two months, I just can’t quite get back to my eating schedule.  Between having time off and sweets galore every other day, things have gotten mucky.  I felt like I had to loosen my purse strings after hitting my goal weight and then maintain.  It was fine to have a sweet treat or big meal now and then but now things are getting hard.

After the holidays, I went on a two week candy and sweets detox.  I ate so much that I had avoided that I’m starting to crave it again.  I find my thoughts wandering to chocolate and fried things…….. not good.  I’ve also been missing my snacks  between meals.  At first, my metabolism kept up no problem.  (NAUGHTY METABOLISM!)  This is both a blessing and a curse.  When your metabolism ‘forgives’ a sweet treat now and then, it’s easy to get out of control.  Suddenly I thought I could drink alcohol, eat fried appetizers and have dessert every weekend.  Which then creeps in to weekdays…….

Needless to say, I finally saw the scale going up.  I’m still under goal weight but I’m not at the magical number I like to see.  I could just put it to the back of my mind and think, “So what? At least I’m still under goal weight.” But for me it needs to be a red flag.  I know I could easily fall back into my old habits.  I don’t fear gaining all my weight back, but I want to keep up the healthy choices that have gotten me to this weight.  It’s always been about being healthy for me, not getting skinny.  So I need to make sure that I keep that at the front of my mind.

So today, I ate perfect.  I counted my calories and watched my sugar.  I’m hoping to drop the two pounds that added up over the last two months but then maintain healthily!  I thought I had it but I’m still figuring it out.  Also, this last two months have been a great reminder that no matter how I look on the outside, I’ll always be a fat girl on the inside. I’ll always want to eat more than I should.  I’ll always want to eat the whole chocolate cake. Maybe I always will but I’m recognizing it and trying my best to make peace with those demons and keep trucking on!