I’m presently on day 4 of recovery and the details of the surgery and those first 48 hours are starting to become more clear. I wanted to get the experience of surgery day out in words before it gets too far in the past. Over the next few days I’ll be sharing updates and how good I’m already feeling. I’ve been using other peoples stories to help reassure me and it’s brought me tons of hope. So now it’s my turn to keep putting my story out there for anyone that might need it. We (extreme weight loss survivors) are so rare and extraordinary. Anything I can do to help someone else on their journey is worst the risk.
Morning of:
My surgery was scheduled for Monday, November 18th at 3:00 pm. Over the weekend before, I had completed a certification workshop at the club and saw every person I could to keep me busy and distracted. Monday morning, there was no more hiding. It was here. It was time. I woke up dan at 4:00 am for a few reasons. Somehow, that day was the end of my one year run streak. Coincidence? I think not. So at 4:00 am Dan and I went for a quick one mile run around the lake in our park. This is the same loop that was one of my original goals in weight loss. I cried just like I did that first time when I finished. Getting to this ‘finish line’ of surgery has been really emotional, but today I want to focus on the science of what I went through. Emotions to come. 🙂 Still sorting.
After our run Dan made me a big breakfast with his amazing scrambled eggs. If you’re not stirring your eggs with a chopstick like Antoni Porowski says, you’re doing it wrong. I ate as much as I could hold because at 5:30 am I had to cut all food and most liquids. We showered and tried to go back to bed. Instead we spent time talking and being intimate. (Again, more on that later!) Later we went to target for a few last minute recovery things like tylenol and apple juice. At this point I’m really really hungry. I’m down to only sips of water and apple juice. After the errands we came back home.
I talked to my Mom and my sister and the nerves are starting to settle in. I tend to worry on the inside and get quieter and quieter. My hubby worries on the outside and I can see him flitting around trying to prepare every single thing he can. I think he asked me how I was every 5 minutes. When it was time to get in the car, I just told myself we were going to Target, buried my head in my phone and distracted myself for the 30 minute drive.
Arrival….
(Caption: Our last picture with me in this body, walking up the stairs we stopped for a pic. 15 minutes later I would be in a gown.)
As soon as we arrive I feel like I’m gonna throw up. I check in, sign some forms and the receptionist tells me it will only be a few minutes. I sit for less than three minutes. The nurse calls me back and says Dan has to stay in the waiting room for a little while but I’ll get to see him again. You think it will go slow. There’s still over an hour till my procedure. Tonnnnnns of time but it flew by. As I stepped on the scale, I saw my name on the surgical board. It was right there: Panniculectomy at 3:00pm. Surgical ward is running on time. It was like seeing your flight to your dream destination but you’re still not sure you want to go because getting there is gonna be so hard. What’s it worth? The money? The trauma? That I could die? I’d come so far. I couldn’t go back now.
Pre Surgery Prep…
They brought me to my prep room and told me to put on a gown. I had to wipe dow with these surgical wipes so everything is clean. (I had already taken two required medical soap showers) They ran a pregnancy test. So far so good. A male, who’s name I don’t remember now, came in to give me some pills and start and IV. Best IV I’ve ever gotten hands down. He was great. He explained the pills he was giving me for nausea and pain. He put a little patch behind my ear for nausea as well. Then he showed me a small vial he would give me right before surgery. The “I don’t care” drugs. After that, Dan got to come back.
I always feel much better when he’s around. I cried a little, we talked a lot. The anesthesiologist came in and had me sign some papers and asked a lot of questions. He was also super nice. The last person to see was my surgeon, Dr. Royal Gerow in his stylish horn rimmed glasses. My brain started to panic a little when I saw him. That means he’s out of his last surgery and ready to move to mine. Again, some quick signatures and questions. He puts marks on me both laying down and standing. This is the last time I’ll see it. The last time someone will touch it. The last time I’ll hate my body. I’m getting emotional just remembering it now.
It’s Time…
Enter nurse with the “special” vial. He warns me that I’d better say whatever I want to say to Dan before he gives them to me because a lot of people don’t remember after that. I tell Dan how important he is to me, that he’s the love of my life, and thank him for choosing me. I try to apologize for what were about to go through and he doesn’t let me. He tells me he’s proud and will see me on the other side. We kiss and it is action time. The surgical nurse comes in, double checks all my meds, signatures and markings. Before I know it, the arms on the bed are up and I’m being wheeled away. Since I’m so drugged now there’s no moment of wanting to go back. There’s no part of me wanting to scream “Wait! I’m not ready!”
The last time I had surgery (thyroidectomy) I was terrified laying on the table. There’s so much commotion, all for you, but you can’t see whats happening. Not this time. This time the nurse was with me and reassuring me. The anesthesiologist comes over and explains we are waiting for me to hit 98% oxygen and for the Doc to finish scrubbing in. Two minutes later, Dr. Gerow is there and telling me it’s gonna go great. I hear someone say “Ok her oxygen is at 98%, let’s push the meds.” Someone says “See you on the other side.”
Post Op…
In the next moment I’m freezing, hurting and scared. I wake up cold. So cold. I’m trying to grab the nurse and calling her Jenny for comfort. Jenny is the name of a colleague and friend of mine that always puts my mind at ease. The nurse had blonde hair like her. It was pretty funny later. But in the moment I’m scared. The nurse tells me everything went perfectly and now I just have to get my pain under control. The first 30 minutes blur together. I remember squirming in my bed, my teeth chattering and almost whimpering. All the while I’m being told to eat and drink but I’m so afraid I’ll get sick that I don’t want to. I don’t want anything. I want to go back to sleep. Where the hell is Dan? After 30 minutes the first pain medication hits and takes a lot of the edge off. After I finally manage a few crackers and an entire ginger ale, they call Dan back. Seeing him was like a dream. He helped me put my contacts in which helped a ton! I didn’t realize part of my fear was the my vision was poor. I kinda forgot I could’t see? lol. That probably won’t make sense to most people.
Another half hour goes by and I’m clearly still in a lot of pain. It’s hard to squirm, I want to curl up in a ball but I can’t move. I’m constantly holding my breath on accident. So the nurse insists I take another pill because my heart rate is still pretty low so I won’t be allowed to get out of bed till it does and get to the bathroom. I laugh out loud. I tell her “At this point I’ll be having Thanksgiving in the bed. I can’t even imagine standing for a few days.” So I got another half a pill. Soon my pulse in coming up and I’m holding down two ginger ales. I couldn’t tell you the last time I drank a whole can of soda to myself, or more than just a few sips of non-diet soda. I drank 3 while I was there and it was amazing.
At about 90 minutes post op, I’m starting to feel human again. I’m making animal sounds with the animal crackers they bought me. I’m trying to whistle while eating saltines. Clearly I’m in better spirits. The nurse is giving us more instructions for home. She needs to show me how to empty my drains so its time to see what it looks like. Even though Dan was there for the preop visit and I’d reminded him and myself, we didn’t expect to be able to see it so soon. There were no bandages to un wrap, I’m totally glued and stiched shut from the inside. After pulling my gown a way in two places where it stuck, I saw it for the first time. I. WAS. SHOCKED. 
The photo above from my POV in the first moments of seeing it. Its gone. All the skin is just gone. It’s incredible and quite frankensteiny to wake up with parts missing and be happy about. Then I realized they were both watching me. I look up and the nurse starts spouting of kinds words: “The swelling will go down” “I know it looks scary now but” “I know scar seems big now but” and instead of hearing her, I look at Dan. “It’s perfect” I say, with tears filling me eyes. If I could guess Dan’s emotion on his face at that time I’d say : Proudly Grossed Out? We hug and kiss and I saw how much I can’t believe it’s over.
The nurse also has to teach me how to empty my drains. Those little MFers. I have two, one coming out each leg which are the tubes in the picture above. The drains serve several purposes but it gives the swelling fluid somewhere to go. It helps with bruising and speeds the recovery. They have been the most uncomfortable part and I’m looking forward to getting them out already. (patience….) The nurse shows me how to drain and measure the fluid that comes out. This is super important to show how my recovery is developing. But it’s also pretty gross. I have to carry these little balloons with me everywhere I go. At 7am and 7 pm I measure them and pour it down the drain. It’s oddly gross and yet satisfying, It doesn’t hurt at all to do which is a blessing. 
This time when the nurse asks me if I need to go to the bathroom, I can actually picture getting out of the bed. All during recovery, I was welcome to stay as long as I wanted but the better I felt, the less I wanted to be there. I make it to the bathroom with their help and they both stand guard outside the door in case I fall. I can hear them talking “Let’s ride this wave for whatever we can get” the nurse recommends. When I get out of the bathroom, Dan helps me put on the pjs that I brought which were a present from an amazing client. I needed them more than I thought I would. Before I put clothes on, I ask Dan to take a picture. I wanted to compare them as soon as possible and see how I change each day. Again, shock.
I took the before picture a few days before and then the skin disappeared in 3 hours. Freaking incredible. I have not seen my belly button or lady flower in over a decade. So that’s ……new……
Once I’m dressed, before I lay down again, the nurse asks what I want to do. Now is the best time to transfer to an overnight bed or go home if I want to. I want to go home. She takes me down in a wheel chair and Dan pulls up our Honda Element. It was the perfect height for me to just sit and spin. I don’t remember much after that. We got some food. Somehow I made it up the stairs and into the apartment.
I’m so happy I came home that night. Not only did I sleep more than I would have at the hospital but Dan and I could practice what would become our morning routine. I tried to sleep in the recliner but my ankles hurt from hanging off and my neck hut from rolling around. I got up several times during the night and eventually made it to the bed. I found it most comfortable to sleep laying down but with knees raised. I finally really slept. Pills, sleep, pee and repeat.
Since this post is already so long, I’m going to post more over the next fews days about the first days of surgery. But I will leave you with this, only four days out of surgery, I’m completely happy with my decision and my results. Let’s keep this train movin!