Yoga Pants Diary

December 23, 2014

The Ghost of Christmas Past

For the last 6 years, the hubby and I always try to take a holiday photo. We have them arranged by year in matching frames on our bookcase. This year I couldn’t wait to get our photo and put it in line next to the others. Here’s the last three years:

2012

2013

2014

Obviously, there are huge differences in my weight. I’m just guessing here but I think,

2012: 290 pounds.

2013: 215 pounds.

2014: 160 pounds.

But there are other differences too. In all the photos from 2012 and before, they never show my body. The photos are always ‘selfie style’ before it was cool. One year I’m not even in the photo and it’s just Dan and the dog.

I could not wait to take this year’s photo. Ever since we moved to Colorado we’ve been sending a photo inside our card just to check in with non-Facebook family. When I look back at these three photos especially, I have mixed feelings.

I still believe I’m beautiful in all three of these photos. I remember feeling beautiful, sexy and confident in all of them. They all have wonderful memories attached and I still feel that joy in my heart when I see them. But as I stood and watched the progression after framing this year’s photo, I felt very sad too. I feel like I don’t even recognize that person anymore. Does that mean she’s gone?

I hope I have kept all the parts of that person that I loved and just changed what I didn’t. There’s so much I hated about that body but loved about the person inside. So in some ways I LOVE our holiday photo this year. I think I look hot, sexy and fit! But I hope you can still see my spirit underneath. Merry Christmas everyone!

December 22, 2014March 29, 2015

The Ugly Sweater Run

*****I’ll be writing most of this week and next as I am on VACATION! Check back for holiday related stories, tips and issues!

This weekend I ran my second 5K! I had signed me and the hubby up about a month ago purely based on the awesome swag they were giving away. Instead of a t shirt or water bottle, they did vintage knit hats. I have been looking forward to this silly hat, and planning my winter attire around it, so far this winter. So I was quite excited. Also, a few friends were running this time too, along with 5,000 other runners. This was considered a ‘fun run’ where everyone dresses silly and there’s blow up figures everywhere. It was a much different atmosphere than my first 5K.

Here were my goals for this 5K:

1. Run the whole thing and finish faster than last time.

2. Have fun running with friends and my husband

3. Kick my husband’s butt.

To be clear, I did not specifically train for this 5K either. I have not upped my running outside of the gym. My classes at the gym have become a little more cardio focused which has upped my endurance. However, I’m still not running on my own. My husband didn’t train……….at all and probably hasn’t run more than a mile since high school. We do hike and he’s fairly active but I thought he would struggle for sure.

Mile 1: Again, Mile 1 is always the easiest for me. My body felt great that day and I wasn’t nervous at all about keeping up with everyone. There were so many people that I knew no one was sizing me up. Also, we were encouraged not take it too seriously since it was a fun run. I set my own timer as this race did not track the runners. At 13 minutes I finally checked the time because we hadn’t seen a mile marker yet. I was thinking, we HAVE to be done with the first mile. The first mile was all within the stadium, so it was hard to me to track the distance.

Mile 2: (I’m guessing…..) Mile 2 is always hard for me. It’s just longer than I usually run and my body starts to get mad. I had a stomach cramp from (again…..guessing) 2.2 – 3.0 miles. I told Dan, who was still running strong too, that I might have to stop soon. Of course he didn’t care and was only keeping up with me at that point. So three or four different times I almost stopped. But I knew as soon as I walked, I would have wished that I didn’t. The track got so thin sometimes I was even just running in place so that I didn’t walk. I got through the cramp and then felt fine but psychologically it was really difficult to keep going when you’re body is pretending it can’t. Still no mile markers.

Mile 3: The end is always pretty easy. By now you’re running on a high and know you are almost done. Also, if you’ve gone this far you can just keep going right? My body tends to go in machine mode and just run. I find myself wanting to sprint just to have the race over with! I had checked the time in the last stretch and knew I had about 5 minutes to get across the finish line to finish faster than my last race. At this point Dan had walked a few times but always caught back up with me. He was starting to have weird pains so I ran ahead to keep my time.

Last 5K Time: 36:22. Ugly Sweater Run: 32:54

Three and a half minutes faster! I knew I would finish under my last time but I didn’t expect that it would be that fast! I was also the first finisher in my group.

Two years ago I would have laughed at the thought of running a 5K with my husband. Even a year ago, when my friend Nikki started the Zombie 5K ap, I was still saying “I’ll never be able to run a 5K.” Well on Saturday we ran one together, and I beat her! (Granted she was sick…….but still! Love you girl!)

I feel like I’m wrapping around to something I continue to repeat over and over on this site: The time will pass anyway! Two years, one year, 6 months ago I didn’t think I could ever run an entire 5K without stopping but I did. The time that you spend overweight, unhappy, out of shape will continue to pass whether or not you do something about it. OR you can take your own life and health into control and GET. IT. DONE.

PS. I’ve been wearing the hat ever since!

December 15, 2014March 29, 2015

High Heel Hell

Last night, I went to my husband’s company party at the Denver Art Museum. We were using it as an excuse to get out of the house, dress up nice and play in the museum for free! Since I had bought a super cute new cocktail dress, I figured I needed new shoes to go with it!

I have dropped a shoe size during my journey leaving me with not many shoe options. I hadn’t purchased any new heels and finally found an excuse to buy some. As a morbidly obese person, I owned heels but rarely wore them. If I did, it would have to be in nice weather to somewhere I knew I would be sitting. It seemed to defy the laws of physics that my nearly 300 pound body would even stay upright on heels.

Heels always caused all kinds of problems. They would always be severely uncomfortable and would often break before they had gotten all of their wear. I mean let’s be serious, is any 300 pound woman truly comfortable in heels? Most average weight women aren’t! So as a general rule in life, I tend to avoid heels. I can’t wear them to teach and we don’t go many places that would require them. I honestly didn’t even think about not having any heels until two days before the event.

Needless to say I went out and bought heels. ($19.99, thanks payless!) I wanted to look hot at this party. I wanted every man to be jealous of my man for having me on his arm. I wore the heels.

You would not believe how big of a difference losing 130 pounds makes when wearing heels. I feel like they fit and felt the way they were supposed to for the first time. Since it has been so long since I’ve wore any, I still sound like a Clydesdale in them, but I’m much much more comfortable. I wore them for the two block walk from the car, all through the museum and then back to the car with an extra block detour. Granted, they still hurt.

December 10, 2014

Struggling…….

Hey All! I know it’s been a while since I last posted. My excuses for this are: Thanksgiving, work stress, laziness and a general feeling of blah. Not good excuses, but excuses none the less.

How did everyone do over the holidays? I am proud to say, even with all my worrying, I did not gain any weight over Thanksgiving! I was probably more careful than necessary but I was proud to get through the holiday without the ‘overstuffed for three days’ feeling this year!

But, emotionally I’m really struggling. I am still trying to figure out this transition from LOSING WEIGHT to having LOST THE WEIGHT. I have now been maintaining for three months. I thought it would be a breeze and that emotionally, I was ‘done’ trying to figure things out. But I’m not.

The high of getting healthy and the constant compliments are starting to wear off. People still tell me pretty often how good I look but it doesn’t have the same effect on me anymore. I don’t feel like I need to hear it to keep going or store it in my compliment bank for when I’m feeling down. Now it just feels like………well yeah, I did lose the weight.

I am also struggling with not seeing the scale go down. EVERYONE, including my doctor, have told me I look great, I’m healthy and I shouldn’t lose more weight. I too believe this. I feel like physically I can do everything I’ve always wanted to do and now I’m just picking new goals for my body for fun. I’m happy with my new pants size and love buying new clothes again. BUT I still feel disappointed when I get on the scale. I should want to cheer everyday when I see the same number. But in the back of my mind, I’m secretly hoping to see it go down. But why? Am I just addicted to the numbers? I’m not sure but I still feel it. I’ve been under my goal weight of 165 since the day I hit it. I try to stay around 160 because that’s where I’m mentally comfortable. But, when I see the scale at 162, I feel like I have to do everything I can to get back down. WHY?

I am a highly anxious person. I obsess and worry about anything and everything to the point where it isn’t healthy sometimes. (Thanks Dad!) My weight and health were always a huge worry in the back of my mind. Now that worry is gone and I find myself searching for other things to worry about instead. Will I ever figure out how to just be happy, confident and enjoy life? Has anyone? I feel like there have always been huge pieces of my life to worry about: health, finances and location. Now I’m healthy, our finances are stable and we love where we live. What do I do now?

So today I’m writing with no profound wisdom, no suggestions or tips, only to say, I still don’t have it figured out and maybe I never will.

November 26, 2014

Thinner Thanksgiving #4

Thinner Thanksgiving Tip #4: Be reasonable, Be Thankful

Let’s be reasonable. You know what you need to do tomorrow to be successful. Lighten up where you can, be active where you can and watch your portions. But tomorrow, give yourself a break! You probably won’t do perfect; you will probably eat something you didn’t mean to; you might even feel over full after the meal. However, it’s THANKSGIVING! Enjoy the company and do the best you can with the food. I think if you have a plan before going in, you’ll probably do fine!

If you have shared your diet plan with friends and loved ones, they will be watching you and what you eat tomorrow. If you are toward the beginning of your journey, people will be looking to see if you can do it. If you’re in the middle or end like I am, people will be watching to see how to do it! Use your new health plan as a talking point so that you’re keeping it at the front of your mind but also just enjoying the day. People will expect you to fail, show them you can do it!

Also tomorrow, don’t forget to be thankful. I’m not talking about the regular list of being thankful for friends and family. This year, celebrate and be thankful for your own health. Tomorrow morning, you’ll find me and my reluctant hubby, at a special 9 am workout that my gym is holding. (If you are in the Denver area, Cole Fusion Fitness, 11th and Bannock, 9:00 am!) I’ll be thanking my body by putting it through what is sure to be an insane workout. Why? Because 2 years ago I could have never done something like this! Thank your body for it’s health!

I won’t be posting tomorrow, as it is Thanksgiving. Good luck with your holiday and staying on track. Remember, it isn’t about the food, it’s about the company. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

November 25, 2014November 25, 2014

Thinner Thanksgiving #3

Thinner Thanksgiving Tip #3: Laugh…A LOT!!!!

Today we are on the less seriously side of Thanksgiving. While I do think it’s important to keep calories, activity and portions in check on Thanksgiving, it’s also…..THANKSGIVING! It’s a holiday meant to be spent with family, friends and loved ones. Today is a great day to kind of forget about your serious dieting and see how you’re naturally eating. Just keep it in check.

Time spent with loved ones can be just as rejuvenating and good for your health as a quick stop at the gym. It’s a holiday, give yourself some wiggle room and just enjoy the day. I am concerned about my ability to let it go and focus on the fun of the holiday. This isn’t my first thanksgiving in my new lifestyle, but I’m still worried that I won’t be able to let the food aspect go. I’m going to try my hardest!

There’s definitely something to be said about your mindset on Thanksgiving. I have to say, I’m nervous. I’ve been super careful in all the days leading up to Thanksgiving just to give myself some wiggle room. Have you ever heard that statistic that “People gain between 5 and 10 pounds over the Thanksgiving holiday?” I’ve hear it all the time but I was curious whether that’s actually true. First, what time frame are we talking about? So I looked it up.

Here’s what I found: I read several different sites on this and it is only true for the extremely glutinous! In a few studies there were extreme outliers that did gain upwards of five pounds. However, the actual average is a pound or two. Here’s two of the sites I read:

CNN Mental Floss

So here’s the point of today’s post: Celebrate and Laugh. Try to enjoy your holiday without focusing on every single morsel of food. Fill your plate with what you know you can have and just let it go. Enjoy the time for what it is: Giving Thanks.

Here’s visual of what laughter can do for you!

PS – Don’t forget to thank all of those around you that are helping you on your journey. I myself have a few cards and bottles of wine that I’ll be giving out!

November 24, 2014

Thinner Thanksgiving #2

Thinner Thanksgiving Tip #2: Watch your portions.

Now I know we all know this one. It’s one of the easiest way to visually recognize your calorie intake. However, on Thanksgiving, we tend to go over board even when we know we shouldn’t.

I will be taking a little bit of all the normal fixings at my thanksgiving. However, I won’t be taking as much as I really want. I’m going to follow this cool guide I found here.

I know that stuffing and green bean casserole are my weakness. Know what you are going to struggle with before the meal. So I know how much I can take and not get out of control. Also, especially watch your snacking! This is where it is easy to rack up calories without thinking about it. If you are the chef, try not to taste as much as possible. If you’re the guest, watch out for the cheese tray and dips! I avoid dips like the plague because I love them and can’t limit myself so I try to have none. If you are showing up as a guest and you are worried about the appetizers they might serve, I always bring a fruit and veggie tray everywhere I go. That way I know there will be something low-cal that I can stuff in my face when I really want a cookie.

Don’t forget to eat breakfast! Never, ever skip breakfast on Thanksgiving day. A lot of people skip it thinking they will be eating so much later that saving these calories now is a good thing. NOT TRUE. Eat breakfast so you aren’t picking at all the dips and apps before the meal has begun. Trust me. Not smart.

November 23, 2014

Thinner Thanksgiving #1

Thinner Thanksgiving Tip #1: Lighten Up!

Thanksgiving is soooo indulgent that there are easy areas to skim on calories that you won’t even notice. (And no one else will either)

Sour Cream – I still eat sour cream even though I know I could switch it for other things. I like it on baked potatos and on chicken nachos……However, on Thanksgiving, you’ll be eating so many different things that cutting this out makes a big difference. Use plain regular or Greek yogurt instead! It’s just as creamy and delicious I swear. If nothing else, at least buy fat free.

Butter and Oil – I understand that some recipes, especially those of the dessert variety, need butter as a molecular component to cook correctly. In those instances, I would look it up. I’m not always sure here. However, resist putting excess butter on top of already buttered items. I buy unsalted butter all the time and use it for everything. If you naturally use salted, here’s a great chance to cut down on a lot of sodium! If you can use other things than butter, do it. I just don’t know what they are 🙂 I think fruit puree?

Salt – Salt is delicious. I was on a low sodium diet for a few years while living in my parent’s house due to an illness in the family. So I don’t really have an issue with sodium and cutting it out. However, I do get salty cravings sometimes! The easiest way to cut out salt at this meal is (unfortunately….) what you brine your turkey in. I usually use salt, apples, oranges, cranberries, onion and herbs. This year I’m going to cut way way down on the salt and see what happens.

Rolls –I know I know I know. Bread is awesome. However, a buttered roll can cost you easily 350 calories. So for a lot of people, this can make it or break it. How many of us have more than one???? I will be having rolls, but just one at my thanksgiving feast. Why? Because I work out and I can! So if you are like me, go for it! If they are really big, just do what I do and steal half from someone else.

Don’t make it! – If there is a dish you don’t think you can handle eating way too much of……don’t make it. If there is a dish you could kinda care less about but it’s “tradition” but nobody really eats it…….don’t make it! I won’t be making sweet potato casserole this year. I only make it because I feel like we have to and I don’t really care. So I’m not going to. I’m pretty sure Pilgrim Police won’t show up at my door. Just saying.

To makeover a few Thanksgiving favorites:

November 22, 2014

Half a Woman

**Before I start my Saturday post, I wanted to post that I’ll be giving “Thinner Thanksgiving” tips all week! So check back to see how to not gain any lbs during your thanksgiving holiday!

As we are coming up to the holidays, I can’t help but think back to how I felt and looked last winter. I think I had dropped around 75 pounds or so at this point last year. My body image is still catching up! I felt like I was a little smaller than last winter but not a ton. Then I got out my winter coat, an XL, which doesn’t fit AT ALL. I borrowed a size L coat from my friend, Thanks Kelley!, and need to purchase a medium!

Some of my students have been asking me about my weight loss now that most of them know. They always ask how much weight I’ve lost. I’m now at 130 pounds and trying to stay there. Usually this is more than they weigh and they are shocked. I really have lost a whole person. I’ve now lost 46% of my original body weight. I’m quite nearly half the woman I was before.

As you get smaller, the ratio of you to your pants stays the same. So sometimes I go to put on my pants and think, “These really aren’t that much smaller than my old old fat pants.” But……I think they are considering I can fit in one leg of them now!

I am a huge fan of People’s “Half Their Size Issue” (See the 2014 winners here) and it just occured to me that I could have entered! I could have been featured in People. I am one of those people! It’s still so bizarre to have done what I did…..I wonder when it will stop being weird? Stay tuned……..

November 16, 2014

Gym Goggles

I am quickly approaching my one year anniversary at my gym. I can’t believe how fast it has gone. Also, I’ve been thinking back over the year and the changes I’ve experienced in my body. Even though I’ve been going to the gym 4-5 times a week for the past 10 months, just in the last two months I feel like I can finally do the things I’ve been wanting to do.

This got me thinking about peoples expectations when going to the gym. Everyone is different in the results they think they will see and how long it will take to get them. I remember my very first class at Cole Fusion Fitness. It was Body Rock which is a fusion of strength training, agility and cardio. I remember looking at Yoga Brian (there’s too many Brians to keep them all straight) and saying “Is he serious” about 10 times in class. After my first few classes, I picked a girl in class and wanted to do everything she could do. I did this on purpose, not to be envious or creepy, but because I had to pick a destination.

If you are starting a new fitness routine, choose some goals of where you want to go. If you are going to the gym day after day but not measuring where you are going, you will probably give up. Fitness can get very tedious and monotonous for sure. I have tried to have a ‘gym rat life’ a few different times in my life but always gave up because I got bored. This time, I give myself goals and can feel my body trying to reach them. Each time I reach my goals, I set new ones.

When we used to run laps at the gym, it would nearly kill me. Now it’s easy. I started with 5 and 8 pounds in class and now I lift 15. I used to do ‘lady pushups’ and now I can do manly pushups. I used to watch every minute tick by and now I barely notice class is half over.

One of my most recent goals is to be able to do a pull up. I remember doing chin ups in gym class in elementary school and I could NEVER do them like everyone else. Because I was so tall and my muscles were not very strong, I was always one of the worst girls. I think being able to do pull ups is amazing and it’s something I want to be able to do. So how am I getting myself there?

After my first few months at the gym, I started attending Boot Camp where we often do pull ups in class. I had to start with 90 pounds of assistance. Ever since setting this goal, I use less and less weight to help me with the pull up. My friend Melody and I do pull ups everyday after class and we are down to 35 pounds of assistance. I also have a pull up bar at my house that I just like to hang on. Each week, I can tell it’s that much easier or I can hold on for just a little longer. Each week I get closer. Very soon I’ll be able to do it with no assistance. While I have no before pictures, here’s me trying after class just the other day:

No one set this goal for me. I set it for myself. No one will ever hold a gun to my head and say, “Do a pull up or you’ll die!” But it’s something I wanted to be able to do, and very soon, I’m going to do it. How cool is that?